Emo Philips Quotes
Voted 44th funniest joke of all time in 'The 75 Funniest Jokes of All Time' in GQ magazine (June 1999)

Quotes to Explore
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I didn't know much about golf growing up.
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Obviously, as you get a little older, you are not going to be quite as quick or quite as strong, and so I might be regarded by some as the underdog... There is actually a statue of Big Ben and I in Perth, Ont., and I was on a Canadian stamp once, and normally you have to be dead to do either of those things, and, well, here I am, still going.
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Playing drums feels like coming home for me. Even during the White Stripes I thought: 'I'll do this for now, but I'm really a drummer.' That's what I'll put on my passport application.
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Well, the crazy thing for me is I think out of anything that's happened in the last year, all the success, people always ask what do you guys do with the money? I don't think they realize we're not really making any money.
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I believe that stories find writers, writers don't find stories. With the 'Pendragon' series, I actually had multiple story ideas and decided that instead of writing them individually, I would create a character whose journey would thread them all together.
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Discipline is not a nasty word.
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My mind boggles at the amount of violence inflicted upon children in today's society.
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To show a child what once delighted you, to find the child's delight added to your own - this is happiness.
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Only then, approaching my fortieth birthday, I made philosophy my life's work.
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The happy story right now is the full page in Vanity Fair, which gives me a great deal of exposure.
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I thought of learning cinematography, so I assisted a cinematographer for an ad.
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No, I worked a lot for European television, doing documentaries in Brazil.
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I want to still be able to garden while I can bend over.
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I think whenever you see what may be the seeds of a third party, you need to be very skeptical because there's not a very good track record for third parties.
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I'm thought to be a tough writer, but I'm really a softie.
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Every time I touch the ball, I think I'm going to go all the way. I think I'm going to score a touchdown. I'm the runner I am because I think that I'm going to go all the way every single time I touch the ball.
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Small lending institutions lack the capability of their larger counterparts to hire the additional manpower necessary to deal with the hundreds of additional regulations created by Dodd-Frank.
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When I finished touring 'Fur and Gold,' I was just like, 'What am I doing? What do I have? Where is my home?' I didn't really know where it was, so I went to New York to try and make it there.
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It's nice that there are movies and songs about romance - it's what motivates us as human beings. I'm all for being brainwashed by rom-coms.
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I've been reading tabloids since I was nine. I love a good story.
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I like to relate to my kids as they are. I enjoy spending that time with them. I see that my girls are so completely different and different from me, too.
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Legislative novelty is not necessarily fatal; there is a first time for everything.
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Why, you're all grown up! The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!
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Voted 44th funniest joke of all time in 'The 75 Funniest Jokes of All Time' in GQ magazine (June 1999)