Mallory Ortberg Quotes

Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.

Mallory Ortberg

• Interesting
• Always
• Humor

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Quotes to Explore

• I grew up in an affluent suburban world and never worried about money until I'd grown up and found wonderfully original ways to screw up my life.

  

  K. A. Applegate
  • Life
  • Up
  • World

• I think every fight is different based on who is fighting.

  

  Rafael dos Anjos
  • Different
  • Think
  • Fighting

• You have to be careful to react when you start to deviate from your course.

  

  Carlos Ghosn
  • You
  • Start
  • React

• I love to read. And right now I'm on my last hundred pages of 'The Corrections' by Jonathan Franzen, and I really enjoyed it. His writing is just - he's one of those writers where you just go, 'There are people just meant to be novel writers.'

  

  Candice Accola
  • People
  • Right
  • Read

• To avoid being mistaken for a sellout, I chose my friends carefully. The more politically active black students. The foreign students. The Chicanos. The Marxist professors and structural feminists and punk-rock performance poets.

  

  Barack Obama
  • Friends
  • Black
  • Rock

• Education for all seems to be the product of a type of distributive justice that is in no way related to the individual.

  

  Abdoulaye Wade
  • Way
  • Education
  • Justice

• 'The more expensive the better' is kind of the American way, and if you spent $600 for a sweatshirt, then that makes it better.

  

  Benjamin Hammond "Ben" Haggerty
  • American
  • Kind
  • Better

• I write synopses after the book is completed. I can't write it beforehand, because I don't know what the book's about. I invent something for my publisher because he asks for one, but the final book ends up very differently.

  

  Jackie Collins
  • Up
  • Book
  • Know

• It is the original idea that is unique, not the object itself.

  

  Victor Vasarely
  • Unique
  • Idea
  • Original

• 'Trapped in the Closet' is pretty much forever. I've got a leash on this thing now. I'm going to walk it.

  

  R. Kelly
  • Pretty
  • Forever
  • Now

• Since 1987, when I got my first one, I've been wearing a clock around my neck 24/7. You feel me? 24/7.

  

  Flavor Flav
  • Me
  • Feel
  • Clock

• My grandfather allowed as how I might even live long enough to see a Mars landing. I haven't, of course, except in fiction, including my own, and strongly doubt that I ever will.

  

  Pamela Sargent
  • Long
  • Live
  • Doubt

• Any girl who likes watching movies would like to work in them and would want to do all of that. I'm also one of them. But people know me for badminton and love me for it. So I'd stick to it right now. But maybe after badminton, I'll think about it.

  

  Saina Nehwal
  • People
  • Work
  • Girl

• I believe women are the glue of everything.

  

  Weili Dai
  • Believe
  • Women
  • I Believe

• I don't want to live in a nanny state where people are telling me where I can go and what I can do.

  

  Rand Paul
  • People
  • Live
  • Want

• Extremism is always potentially dangerous, but in Hungary's political reality, Jobbik and the other far-right parties have no chance of having a major influence.

  

  Viktor Orban
  • Reality
  • Political
  • Chance

• As you might have gathered, I prefer the honest, decent and genuinely accepting friends and family I have in the conservative world.

  

  Tammy Bruce
  • World
  • Family
  • Friends

• I told my kids when they were little, 'Look, kids, your mother and I are screwing you up somehow. We don't understand how, or we wouldn't do it. But we're parents. So somehow we're damaging you, and I want you to know that early. So just ignore me when I go to that part of my parenting.'

  

  Pat Conroy
  • Up
  • Kids
  • Mother

• My favorite Starbucks is nice - Omaha Starbucks stores tend to be friendlier than big-city ones, and the baristas are especially lovely at mine - but it's still a Starbucks.

  

  Rainbow Rowell
  • City
  • Nice
  • Favorite

• It was such a weird thing how a breakup stretched much wider than you expected. You didn't just lose a person, but their entire world as well.

  

  Sarah Dessen
  • World
  • Persons
  • Expected

• When I was in college, I was always saying I was a socialist.

  

  Edmund White
  • College
  • Always
  • Saying

• Whenever I did sitcoms, that always happened on your show. Once the show was on the air, it takes on a life of its own. It develops, and it becomes something else.

  

  Larry Wilmore
  • Life
  • Always
  • Air

• My record of opposition to illegal immigration is unquestioned.

  

  Ann Wagner
  • Immigration
  • Records
  • Unquestioned

• Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.

  

  Mallory Ortberg
  • Interesting
  • Always
  • Humor