Mallory Ortberg Quotes
Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.
Quotes to Explore
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I grew up in an affluent suburban world and never worried about money until I'd grown up and found wonderfully original ways to screw up my life.
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I think every fight is different based on who is fighting.
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You have to be careful to react when you start to deviate from your course.
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Jim Carrey and my dad were best friends. He would always be in my house and stuff like that.
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I love to read. And right now I'm on my last hundred pages of 'The Corrections' by Jonathan Franzen, and I really enjoyed it. His writing is just - he's one of those writers where you just go, 'There are people just meant to be novel writers.'
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I've made a dozen films in the English language. But then, for love, for my family and friends, I returned to Europe... I annoyingly - looking back - turned down films like 007, 'For Your Eyes Only,' written specially for me.
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To avoid being mistaken for a sellout, I chose my friends carefully. The more politically active black students. The foreign students. The Chicanos. The Marxist professors and structural feminists and punk-rock performance poets.
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Education for all seems to be the product of a type of distributive justice that is in no way related to the individual.
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'The more expensive the better' is kind of the American way, and if you spent $600 for a sweatshirt, then that makes it better.
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I write synopses after the book is completed. I can't write it beforehand, because I don't know what the book's about. I invent something for my publisher because he asks for one, but the final book ends up very differently.
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It is the original idea that is unique, not the object itself.
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'Trapped in the Closet' is pretty much forever. I've got a leash on this thing now. I'm going to walk it.
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Peace is not the product of a victory or a command. It has no finishing line, no final deadline, no fixed definition of achievement. Peace is a never-ending process, the work of many decisions.
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When I get into the studio, I write from my heart.
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Since 1987, when I got my first one, I've been wearing a clock around my neck 24/7. You feel me? 24/7.
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My grandfather allowed as how I might even live long enough to see a Mars landing. I haven't, of course, except in fiction, including my own, and strongly doubt that I ever will.
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Any girl who likes watching movies would like to work in them and would want to do all of that. I'm also one of them. But people know me for badminton and love me for it. So I'd stick to it right now. But maybe after badminton, I'll think about it.
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I believe women are the glue of everything.
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I often think to myself, at the end of an interesting life it's maybe not such a bad thing to spend your last days with your friends sitting by the blue, blue ocean reliving the story of your life while sitting in the dangerous sun.
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It's much more interesting to watch someone who is ill-equipped to solve their problem fight to solve their problem than wallow in the knowledge that they're ill-equipped to solve their problems.
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It's okay to be a fat man. It's prestige and power and all of that. But fat women are seen as just lazy and stupid and having no self-control.
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Las Vegas honors women - Celine Dion, Bette Midler, Britney Spears. I love that Las Vegas celebrates women.
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Someone once told me that God figured that I was a pretty good juggler. I could keep a lot of balls in the air at one time. So He said, "Let's see if he can juggle another one."
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Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.
