Jeff Garlin Quotes
-
Acting's fine if the script's written by Paddy Chayefsky and Martin Scorsese directs it, but unless you have something like that, I don't really enjoy acting.
-
My kids have played soccer and baseball and basketball, and the parents who come to games are always saying and doing things that are just wildly inappropriate.
-
In my stand-up, I generally improvise from an outline.
-
I'm from Chicago and it's a huge influence on me.
-
I felt very comfortable about myself when I was much heavier. I feel much better about myself from being fit.
-
I'm totally comfortable not being as funny as Larry David.
-
I don't care what I do - act, stand-up, write, direct - it doesn't matter as long as I'm being creative and it's good work.
-
I like independent movies, documentaries. There's not a lot of movies that are commercially made that I dig.
-
Why do I want to be challenged or have challenges? That's why I don't go climb mountains.
-
I like raconteurs; I like conversation. I liked the 'Tonight Show' when it was 90 minutes, I like when people aren't plugging things per se, and they're just in the moment being interesting.
-
First off, I don't do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don't care how much I weigh.
-
When you see a bad romantic comedy, you see the script, the director, and the actors trying to create this warmth and this pathos and this feeling that you care about them. That cannot be manufactured - it's either there or it isn't.
-
There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.
-
I do love directing. It's probably my favorite thing that I do.
-
I never analyze stuff with comedy because it's boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you're either funny or you're not.
-
I have gone to many theaters where it is so unpleasant with the commercials before the movie, the volume, and the disrespect of the filmgoers. So I understand people not wanting to go to the theater.
-
As an individual doing a podcast, you don't get even remotely rich. It's not something to do for money.
-
I have the bigger iPad, but the Mini is the best. It just seems perfect. The old one seems so big and heavy. I like simple and clean.
-
Certainly early on, I kind of modeled myself after Steve Martin and Bill Murray. I would imitate them sometimes.
-
I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they're for evil. They're for gossip.
-
Comedians sometimes forget that there's an audience. You gotta be conscious that you're performing for other human beings.
-
Parents have got to chill out. Let your kid eat dirt - they're gonna be fine!
-
For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey.
-
I'm a freak for great movies. I love movies.