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When I was onstage doing the work, adrenaline killed the pain because I never hurt in front of an audience.
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A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.
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I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.
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My ego and my vanities have nothing to do with comedy.
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I can't stand to ask anyone, 'How was that?'
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Love is what makes you dream, and love is what makes you want to get up in the morning. Love is something that you want to be a part of because it makes you better.
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I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.
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Seeing a woman project the kind of aggression that you have to project as a comic just rubs me wrong.
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To ask a pratfall comedian, a dishes-in-the-face comic like me, to lay back and bring none of that stuff to the script because it doesn't call for it? That's tough.
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You can't be faulted for being selfish if you're going to get better because of it.
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Every day is another something that comes along.
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There's nothing more dramatic than the comedy I've done. Because the comedy I've done is to get to the audience, get them to feel it, or they won't laugh.
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Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!
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I've raised my boys the old-fashioned way, with spankings, sending them upstairs if they misbehave at parties, the works. I believe discipline is the proof of love.
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I got the 'Max Rose' script, and I fell in love with it. It just hit me. It was something that needed to be made.
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I think the cartoons that they're children are watching, particularly 'The Simpsons,' they're OK. I think that the adult audience is making much too much of the danger that they imply. That's not the case. The danger for children today, honey, is the news. Keep them away from news on television.
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I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.
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Going unnoticed has never been my strong suit.
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I really am opinionated, but not for long. I have found myself coming off of what I think of something because the guy I'm talking to makes better sense than I am. I have so many points of view, I can't keep track of 'em, because I talk to too many people... I'm not so opinionated that I won't budge.
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I was once six feet tall, but at 85, I'm now five feet four.
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I've had great success being a total idiot.
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Commercial television has underestimated the intelligence of the public.
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I don't like any female comedians.
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I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have and I never will. I'm an entertainer for 75 years.