Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
Jim Gaffigan
Quotes to Explore
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I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers.
Patrick Ness
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We have confirmed something we only knew in theory, namely that revolution, in which uncontrolled and uncontrollable forces operate imperiously, is blind and destructive, grandiose and cruel.
Federica Montseny
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
P. J. O'Rourke
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When you're a woman, you have to work harder to get a laugh... I follow so many hilarious women on Twitter. It's a daily reminder that women get to be funny.
Rainbow Rowell
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
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It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.'
Garrett Hedlund
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A mate of mine told me recently, 'It's the first time I've seen you work, Worthington.' I thought that was quite funny, but he was right.
Sam Worthington
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Abraham Lincoln
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If the word has the potency to revive and make us free, it has also the power to blind, imprison, and destroy.
Ralph Ellison
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Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.
Florenz Ziegfeld
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She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.
J. B. Priestley
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I think Secretary's funny, it is about sex, and there's a lot of sex in it, sex is the key, but you're talking about a lot of other complicated things.
Maggie Gyllenhaal
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Faith... must be enforced by reason... when faith becomes blind it dies.
Mahatma Gandhi
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I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
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In every interview, when they would ask me who should be a judge, I would always say Harry Connick, Jr., so I think I had something to do with him becoming a judge! He has a blunt, dry sense of humor. You never know if he's joking or not, and I think that's going to catch a lot of people by surprise.
Candice Glover
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I'm doin' something different. I mean, I talk a little bit about race and interracial dating, but it's not the heart of my act. I just try to do what I think is funny; there's no huge message or through line.
Hannibal Buress
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Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play.
Immanuel Kant
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I am the ultimate California girl, which is funny, being that I'm Canadian.
Pamela Anderson
