Jim Gaffigan Quotes
There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
Quotes to Explore
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This is what we get paid to do, is to bring it every week, and I hope the guys would say I bring it every week. I mean, I love this game, and I bring energy.
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.
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It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.'
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Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.
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In my flat in Chicago, I've got this big room with an office in the corner and a balcony so I can watch people go by.
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My voice is distinctive: there's a rhythm to it, and also, it's funny. I was just blessed with a funny-sounding voice.
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I think it would be funny for people to read in obituaries of me that my major contribution to the arts was the popularization of the phrases 'neutral facial expression' and 'screaming in agony.'
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I have an unfortunate personality.
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We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was 'Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular.' Then it was 'It's a Very Larry Christmas.' Now it's 'Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.' I'll tell you what it is: It's funny. That's what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special.
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Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.
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I love the script and I just thought it was a great role. Like I say, it's like this - the script is like this sad, funny, desperate love song to the lost American man.
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I like children - fried.
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I wouldn't want to go out six nights a week and watch somebody's reserves playing to check out a footballer to see if we're going to buy him.
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I bake a chocolate cake from scratch every week.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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If I don't play well, then it's not the end of the world, because we all learn in tennis that there's always next week.
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I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it.
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My uncle is so funny - Don Vito. He was always fat with the craziest voice. Dude, he barely speaks English; it's just full-blown jibber-jabber. It's so funny to watch on TV because you really need subtitles because you can't understand him.
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I'm in the lane where I can make music but also have it be funny and still good at the same time.
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I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation.
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I have a piano in my office, and sometimes during meetings, I'll sit down and goof on the keyboard a little bit.
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In late May 2016, an ISIS spokesman called for attacks in the West during the month of Ramadan.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
