Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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I always get sick of these conversations where people are so obsessed with pixels, with high definition, and even with technology in general. I find it just dull and heartless. And so I wanted to use only the worst machines.
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Most people, when they hear the disease name, it's all they know about it. It sounds so mild. When I first was sick, for the first 10 years or so, I was dismissed. I was ridiculed and told I was lazy. It was a joke.
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The Midwest breeds funny, eccentric people, to varying degrees. You play shows not because you're expecting to get a record deal, but to do something fun outside of mowing lawns. Everything else is just gravy... Or mustard.
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My biggest nightmare is I'm driving home and get sick and go to hospital. I say: 'Please help me.' And the people say: 'Hey, you look like...' And I'm dying while they're wondering whether I'm Barbra Streisand.
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It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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I like children - fried.
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The best way to make your audience laugh is to start laughing yourself.
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Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.
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I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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Daddy was hilarious. He could take the most mundane event and tell it so that we all on the floor laughing. He trained me in the joys of humor.
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So certainly, if we can tell evil stories to make people sick, we can also tell good myths that make them well.
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Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.
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Existence is a series of footnotes to a vast, obscure, unfinished masterpiece.
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I feel like nobody can stop me off the dribble. At crunch time, we're looking for somebody to score and I definitely want to be the guy who has the ball in his hands.
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Not that it entirely matters: There is a perception that all actors make their movies. A lot of people assume you're responsible. George Clooney told me actors get all of the blame and all the credit.
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I am sure I ought not to be, but I have great reason to tremble lest Satan and my own wicked heart get the better of me. It is no easy matter to fight such enemies as these, but with Christ strengthening me, I know I shall come off more than a conquerer.
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Happiness. It comes on unexpectedly. And goes beyond, really, any early morning talk about it.
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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
