Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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I always get sick of these conversations where people are so obsessed with pixels, with high definition, and even with technology in general. I find it just dull and heartless. And so I wanted to use only the worst machines.
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Most people, when they hear the disease name, it's all they know about it. It sounds so mild. When I first was sick, for the first 10 years or so, I was dismissed. I was ridiculed and told I was lazy. It was a joke.
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The Midwest breeds funny, eccentric people, to varying degrees. You play shows not because you're expecting to get a record deal, but to do something fun outside of mowing lawns. Everything else is just gravy... Or mustard.
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My biggest nightmare is I'm driving home and get sick and go to hospital. I say: 'Please help me.' And the people say: 'Hey, you look like...' And I'm dying while they're wondering whether I'm Barbra Streisand.
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It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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I like children - fried.
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The best way to make your audience laugh is to start laughing yourself.
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Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.
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I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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Daddy was hilarious. He could take the most mundane event and tell it so that we all on the floor laughing. He trained me in the joys of humor.
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So certainly, if we can tell evil stories to make people sick, we can also tell good myths that make them well.
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Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.
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An author ought to write for the youth of his own generation, the critics of the next, and the schoolmaster of ever afterwards.
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It's a challenge getting rid of an accent by yourself. I have parents that have such thick accents. They are like, "She sounds fine." They didn't know. To them, I spoke perfect English because their accents were so heavy. I don't even want to know what I sounded like. I don't want to know!
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The world is a little more diverse in 2015 than when the Fantastic Four comic first came out in 1961.
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We must take all that territory away from ISIS.
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Every article on these islands has an almost personal character, which gives this simple life, where all art is unknown, something of the artistic beauty of medieval life.
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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
