Jim Gaffigan Quotes

You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."

Jim Gaffigan

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Quotes to Explore

• I stayed in the astronaut program until 1993. People ask me why I left. I thought I had a lot of things to contribute that would be difficult to do if I stayed. I thought I could have a stronger voice as an advocate for space exploration. So I ended up starting my own technology consulting company.

  

  Mae Jemison
  • People
  • Up
  • Why

• I do not deal with threats and ultimatums.

  

  Yair Lapid
  • Deal
  • Threats
  • Ultimatums

• Whenever you feel down, you can check on Twitter and feel better about yourself, because it's only people who like you.

  

  Candice Swanepoel
  • People
  • Better
  • Yourself

• We need a reasonable price where producers will not start nagging. At a reasonable price, we can invest to produce more oil.

  

  Abdallah Salem el-Badri
  • Start
  • Need
  • Invest

• There are times I think it might be nice to have deep-pocketed limited partners to provide me with some cushion. But I enjoy having no responsibilities except to myself, financially.

  

  Ram Shriram
  • Think
  • Nice
  • Myself

• One of the first major storylines that 'All My Children' featured was Erica Kane, a rebellious daughter, and her mother, sort of a matriarchal type, who was trying to guide her daughter to a safer place.

  

  Eden Riegel
  • Children
  • Trying
  • Mother

• I feel like I missed a whole period of my childhood because I had a bunch of stressful things happen to me when I was like 17, 18, when people usually feel the most free in life, like going to college and like anything is possible.

  

  Jack Antonoff Fun.
  • People
  • Life
  • Free

• When I was doing all this acting stuff, all these kids, like, assumed, 'Oh, my God, you're on TV, and you probably have a lot of money.' And I was living in a garage.

  

  Becky G
  • God
  • Money
  • Kids

• I wanted to pay tribute to my musical influences: Buffalo Springfield, Lightfoot, the Beatles, the Hollies.

  

  Dan Fogelberg
  • Pay
  • Beatles
  • Tribute

• It's funny to think that when you get done with an acting job, you're considered unemployed. There are definitely times when those checks don't last forever. I went to college at a private school, and I racked up quite a bit of debt. I was very slow to pay them back.

  

  Rami Malek
  • Up
  • School
  • Done

• There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.

  

  Barack Obama
  • People
  • War
  • America

• I am so, so lucky. I am the luckiest girl in the world, really. And still with access to everything I could possibly want I still say 'Oh dear, what am I going to wear today?' There's no ending to that question!

  

  Salma Hayek
  • World
  • Today
  • Girl

• I want to do horror and action, and I'm only being slightly facetious.

  

  Parker Posey
  • Want
  • Action
  • Horror

• Race, redemption and healing - that's my thing.

  

  Bebe Moore Campbell
  • Race
  • Healing
  • Redemption

• As a kid I had all kinds of questions about how I fit it with my neighborhood and friends and other Latinos.

  

  Oscar Hijuelos
  • Friends
  • Kid
  • Questions

• What people can survive and what they don't survive is shocking to me. Someone can go to Iraq and be blown to bits and survive. Someone can trip and fall on the street and they die – that's that.

  

  Laura Linney
  • People
  • Me
  • Die

• Each great athlete must some day bow to that perennial old champion, Father Time, even as I, for Time eventually wins.

  

  Major Taylor
  • Time
  • Great
  • Father

• Most historians and other writers of what we now consider 'primary sources' simply didn't think about women and their contribution to society. They took it for granted, except when that contribution or its lack directly affected men.

  

  Tansy Rayner Roberts
  • Men
  • Women
  • Society

• With the advance of feudalism came the growth of iron armor, until, at last, a fighting-man resembled an armadillo.

  

  John Boyle O'Reilly
  • Fighting
  • Growth

• There is a loud cry in these days for clues that shall guide the plain man through the vast bewildering labyrinth of printed volumes.

  

  John Morley
  • Labyrinth

• Scott and I had just worked with Jimmy Pardo doing a live show over the summer. And it was a lot of fun and we wanted to keep doing a live show. And as Scott said, we knew a lot of funny young people who needed a place to do stand-up. And we were in a place, where we were writing so much that we weren't around live comedy so much, so we kind of missed it.

  

  B. J. Porter
  • People
  • Up
  • Writing

• The token gay character is always so funny and so fantastic. That's happened a lot. Or they're often purely victims.

  

  Ezra Miller
  • Character
  • Funny
  • Victims

• You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Funny
  • Looks
  • Humor