Jo Brand Quotes
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They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it's ready to eat, they just don't fancy it any more.
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People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.
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I'd love to live in Kent but it's all a question of work.
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There are lots of people who believe that caricature of me the tabloids created, so they think they don't like me.
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Everyone in comedy thinks if you go to the U.S. you become a global star but, unfortunately, I've always been a bit anti-American - so I never did.
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I don't know really, it doesn't feel like it has changed to me but I think to have to move with the times. Try out different areas and not get stuck in 1978.
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Does anyone really go into nursing intending to be apathetic, cold and removed from suffering? I find that very difficult to believe.
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I've always liked to think I could do anything I wished as well as - if not better than - a man. But I wasn't very good at rally driving.
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I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.
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I think some people ramp a side of themselves up for performance purposes.
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Some men are deeply likable but have attitudes I don't like. Does that mean I should completely dismiss them? It's like saying: if someone votes Tory can you like them? And, yes, I can. I have friends who vote Tory, and I'm appalled, but that's not to say they're not great people in so many other ways. We have a tendency to oversimplify things.
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I still get blokes who say, 'Oh you hate men, don't you?' And I say, 'No, I just hate you.' I really love doing that, just to see the look on their faces.
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There's a general sense that women are more relaxed and less defensive in comedy than they used to be. I think it's easier than it was but underlying it all there is still a pretty sexist view of women on stage, which to me hasn't changed that much.
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I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.
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To me, a politician's job is to listen to constituents' problems and try to sort them out.
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It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.
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When I was a nurse I never had much money, and I was still happy then.
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I like to read my diary occasionally to remind myself what a miserable, alienated old sod I used to be.
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You look across the board at comedy quiz shows, and they are mainly hosted by men.
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My preference is swimming in the sea. I find the sea is more liberating, wild and good fun rather than plodding up and down a pool.
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I often tell audiences at the start of my shows that I'm not gay because I've got petitions from lesbian groups saying 'Can you tell people you're heterosexual because you're giving us a bad name.'
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People are so different in reality from the picture created of them on TV. So it's all a creation; everything is made up.
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When you cry, you don't look very attractive; you look snotty and blotchy. People seem to manage to cry quite prettily these days, and to me, that smacks of not being very genuine.
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I'm sure some cynical people would point to that as the main reason for doing it for a lot of people.