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I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.
Jo Brand -
I think it's difficult, if you're a quite private person like I am, to write about your life very intimately.
Jo Brand
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When I was at school you got an overall general education on many things, even just basic facts.
Jo Brand -
So, I kind of rather was hoping that people thought it would have a nice mixture of different topics and it also takes in the fact that I've had two children recently.
Jo Brand -
I've never trained as an actor. I've always thought I'm not a good actor. I've been told I'm not a good actor by a lot of people.
Jo Brand -
I buy smoked mackerel in a vain attempt at being healthy. I do actually really like it, and you don't have to cook it, which is handy.
Jo Brand -
How do you conduct an intimate relationship where no one ever loses it? Where no one ever lashes out, where no one ever smacks anyone in the mouth?
Jo Brand -
Once you get labelled, people expect you to behave within the very narrow confines of that label.
Jo Brand
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The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.
Jo Brand -
I've never, ever had people being aggressive to me in public or abusing me, and actually quite a lot of men do say to me, 'You're quite good' - though they can't bear to go, 'You're great.'
Jo Brand -
The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.
Jo Brand -
What could be funnier than a fat person trying to run a marathon?
Jo Brand -
I think the key attributes for a good speaker are someone that's articulate and someone that puts a fair amount of humour into what they do.
Jo Brand -
Privatisation splits hospital services into increasingly small packages.
Jo Brand
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I'm too nervous to eat before I go onstage, and I'll usually eat out after the performance or when I get home at midnight.
Jo Brand -
I've seen a lot of women give up after they've had three or four bad gigs in a row. It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.
Jo Brand -
When you have children, your house smells very unpleasant all the time.
Jo Brand -
I remember when Victoria Wood started to come through, and I thought she was great, though she and I are very different in our approach.
Jo Brand -
I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now.
Jo Brand -
I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.
Jo Brand
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I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Jo Brand -
I was really, because I thought it was extremely excruciating when I watched a tape of it, that my husband taped for me and I never watched it again after that.
Jo Brand -
When you get to know someone, you find there's something nasty in their woodshed.
Jo Brand -
You don't really see ugly people that are old, or a bit grotty and smelly, in the media. If a Martian came down, they would think we were all tall, thin, attractive and wealthy.
Jo Brand