Jo Brand Quotes
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I used to do bell ringing in Benenden church. It was really good fun, actually. My best friend's dad was the local vicar, and so it was expected as her best friend that I would go to church every Sunday with her.
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I swam at school a lot. Long-distance swimming in pools, and diving, then when we moved to Hastings when I was 13 I used to swim in the sea all the time; I loved it out of season and when it was rough.
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I had always fancied a go at the comedy and when it started to go reasonably well and the opportunity arose for me to move into it full time, I just couldn't turn it down. I just took the risk, and I just wanted to see if it would work and thankfully it did.
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Madness isn't altogether a bad thing in comedy.
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What could be funnier than a fat person trying to run a marathon?
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You don't really see ugly people that are old, or a bit grotty and smelly, in the media. If a Martian came down, they would think we were all tall, thin, attractive and wealthy.
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The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife.
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No one I know is actually so rude as to tell me I've become duller since having children. But I'm sure they think it.
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I wasn't one of those hideous children who make their parents sit through hour-long performances when you're seven. I didn't do anything like that thankfully.
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I've seen a lot of women give up after they've had three or four bad gigs in a row. It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.
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A lot of people do that kind of nostalgia stuff believing that they were very happy in their teenage years, but that's probably just an illusion.
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I suspect most politicians feel overwhelmed because people's lives are a real struggle, full of unhappiness, and you would probably feel powerless to do anything about it.
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Privatisation splits hospital services into increasingly small packages.
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When I was at school you got an overall general education on many things, even just basic facts.
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I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now.
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I think self-esteem is fluid. It's not a fixed state, and so some days are better than others.
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People can forgive each other.
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There are problems with nursing - such as the issue of nurses all having to do degrees these days. But that doesn't mean to say the entire infrastructure of nursing is falling about and that it is populated by unfeeling psychopaths, which is, frankly, the implication sometimes.
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I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
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I wouldn't say I was organised at all. I just have to prioritise. Is it more important for them to be organised, or to have their dinner, do you know what I mean?
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I love doing stand-up. It's so self-contained - you go there, you do it, you go home - but with telly, there are too many people involved with it with opinions. You have a product, and everyone wants to change it.
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I think it's difficult, if you're a quite private person like I am, to write about your life very intimately.
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I was really, because I thought it was extremely excruciating when I watched a tape of it, that my husband taped for me and I never watched it again after that.
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I buy smoked mackerel in a vain attempt at being healthy. I do actually really like it, and you don't have to cook it, which is handy.