Jo Brand Quotes
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Men are fantastic - as a concept.
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People are so different in reality from the picture created of them on TV. So it's all a creation; everything is made up.
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I've no interest in fashion, shoes, handbags, or sweaty shopping.
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I believe that if your brain has to get to grips with complicated words, then you won't get Alzheimer's. I'm sure it's not true, but I do believe it.
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Even nice things don't make you happy when you're tired.
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There's a general sense that women are more relaxed and less defensive in comedy than they used to be. I think it's easier than it was but underlying it all there is still a pretty sexist view of women on stage, which to me hasn't changed that much.
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I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person.
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There are so many cliches associated with mental health - such as the 'fine line between lunacy and genius' - which are, on the whole, a load of rubbish.
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I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.
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I thought I was funny as a kid.
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Punk allowed women to stop looking feminine. Oh, the relief.
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I'm sure some cynical people would point to that as the main reason for doing it for a lot of people.
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Being Christian towards poor people means trying to improve their lives and give them back some self-respect.
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I've seen a lot of women give up after they've had three or four bad gigs in a row. It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.
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The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.
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I think some people ramp a side of themselves up for performance purposes.
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I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now.
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I'm too nervous to eat before I go onstage, and I'll usually eat out after the performance or when I get home at midnight.
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It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.
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I used to get a lot of people saying 'Oh, you are such a lucky granny.' But the fact of the matter is you can be a grandma at 35 these days.
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No one I know is actually so rude as to tell me I've become duller since having children. But I'm sure they think it.
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One thing lots of Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug. This winds lots of people up, particularly because famous Christians pronounce on the life of the poor from their very lovely affluent homes filled with their very lovely families and attractive pets.
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By crying on my bed, drinking quite a lot and feeling tempted by drugs. Well, just not reading it to be perfectly honest with you. I know it's a bit of a copout.
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What could be funnier than a fat person trying to run a marathon?