Adam Carolla Quotes
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I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.
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I mean, we sit around and we go, you know, 'Torture doesn't work.' Well, it's been around for 5,000 years. Most stuff that doesn't work goes the way of the dodo pretty quick, like waterbeds and 8-tracks and things like that.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.
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I was a horrible student.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'
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I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.
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I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.