John Mulaney Quotes

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.

John Mulaney

• Funny
• Awesome

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Quotes to Explore

• To be able to sit back and enjoy the game, sit back and watch guys that you know played and you might have worked with it or you personally know, it's cool; it's awesome to sit back and say I know that guy because you're more of a fan of that game and that person.

  

  Calvin Johnson
  • Guy
  • Game
  • Cool

• I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers.

  

  Patrick Ness
  • Experience
  • Beautiful
  • Girl

• When you're in a songwriting class, and you write a song, and you hand it in to a teacher to grade, I'm still going to say that it's a really awesome song whether I got an A or a D. I learned to stick to my guns and take the tools as tools and not as rules.

  

  Madi Diaz
  • Song
  • Hand
  • Teacher

• I don't have the looks to compete at a bar, and I'm not that funny. So the last thing I want is to be in a situation where that's what I'm competing on. I'd rather be on OkCupid or Match, where I can write a 300-word essay about myself that's really good.

  

  Sam Yagan
  • Good
  • Funny
  • Myself

• David Bowie was awesome the easiest, coolest interview I have ever done.

  

  Rachel Perry
  • Done
  • Awesome
  • Interview

• Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

  

  H. L. Mencken
  • American
  • Funny
  • Nobody

• It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.

  

  Karl Lagerfeld
  • Funny
  • Thought
  • Clothes

• People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

  

  Isaac Asimov
  • People
  • Great
  • Funny

• My mom is awesome. She's really young. My mom is 40, and she raised me listening to Nirvana and Courtney Love and Coldplay, Gin Blossoms, The Cranberries, and stuff. Like, my early, early memories are of being a little kid running around in floral skirts and Doc Martens when I was, like, three.

  

  Halsey
  • Mom
  • Memories
  • Awesome

• What's funny in 'The Mayor of MacDougal Street' is how Dave Van Ronk talks a lot about the time and how exciting it was and how electric it was.

  

  Oscar Isaac
  • Time
  • Funny
  • Street

• I think it would be funny for people to read in obituaries of me that my major contribution to the arts was the popularization of the phrases 'neutral facial expression' and 'screaming in agony.'

  

  Tao Lin
  • People
  • Funny
  • Me

• It's so funny: at 'SNL,' Bill Hader always kind of treated me like his little sister and would kind of, like, lovingly bully me.

  

  Vanessa Bayer
  • Funny
  • Me
  • Sister

• I saw Quentin Tarantino's 'Django Unchained,' and you could say a lot of things against it, but it was incredible fun. I don't like blood and gore, and I am very squeamish about violence, but Tarantino's violence is actually funny.

  

  Salman Rushdie
  • Fun
  • Funny
  • Violence

• I'm doin' something different. I mean, I talk a little bit about race and interracial dating, but it's not the heart of my act. I just try to do what I think is funny; there's no huge message or through line.

  

  Hannibal Buress
  • Different
  • Heart
  • Funny

• I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.

  

  Edmund Hillary
  • Great
  • True
  • Funny

• I think things are funny when the character is taking it totally seriously.

  

  Rachel Weisz
  • Character
  • Think
  • Funny

• Everybody in the South loves the one closeted homosexual who's married. It's just too funny to not have in a movie about the South. It's an epidemic. You gotta represent!

  

  Tate Taylor
  • Movie
  • You
  • Funny

• I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

  

  Mae West
  • Funny
  • Snow
  • White

• I was doing a college show for the first time, and there was this 20-year-old gay male who's been diabetic his entire life. He said, 'I really wanna get into stand-up.' I was like, 'Oh, my God, do you realize how interesting and inherently funny you are? Go do all the comedy that you wanna do.' I care about that.

  

  Jessica Williams
  • Life
  • Up
  • Time

• Of course 'we humans' have a funny relationship with the beings with whom we share our planet. We eat them, we care for them, we admire them, we use them.

  

  April Gornik
  • Funny
  • Relationship

• How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, "How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water."

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Thinking
  • Funny
  • Water

• 'But,' say the puling, pusillanimous cowards, 'we shall be subject to a long and bloody war if we declare independence.' On the contrary, I affirm it the only step that can bring the contest to a speedy and happy issue.

  

  Samuel Adams
  • Long
  • War
  • Happy

• I've always liked to think I could do anything I wished as well as - if not better than - a man. But I wasn't very good at rally driving.

  

  Jo Brand
  • Good
  • Driving

• Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.

  

  John Mulaney
  • Funny
  • Awesome