John Mulaney Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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To be able to sit back and enjoy the game, sit back and watch guys that you know played and you might have worked with it or you personally know, it's cool; it's awesome to sit back and say I know that guy because you're more of a fan of that game and that person.
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I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers.
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When you're in a songwriting class, and you write a song, and you hand it in to a teacher to grade, I'm still going to say that it's a really awesome song whether I got an A or a D. I learned to stick to my guns and take the tools as tools and not as rules.
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I don't have the looks to compete at a bar, and I'm not that funny. So the last thing I want is to be in a situation where that's what I'm competing on. I'd rather be on OkCupid or Match, where I can write a 300-word essay about myself that's really good.
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David Bowie was awesome the easiest, coolest interview I have ever done.
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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My mom is awesome. She's really young. My mom is 40, and she raised me listening to Nirvana and Courtney Love and Coldplay, Gin Blossoms, The Cranberries, and stuff. Like, my early, early memories are of being a little kid running around in floral skirts and Doc Martens when I was, like, three.
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What's funny in 'The Mayor of MacDougal Street' is how Dave Van Ronk talks a lot about the time and how exciting it was and how electric it was.
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I think it would be funny for people to read in obituaries of me that my major contribution to the arts was the popularization of the phrases 'neutral facial expression' and 'screaming in agony.'
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It's so funny: at 'SNL,' Bill Hader always kind of treated me like his little sister and would kind of, like, lovingly bully me.
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I'm doin' something different. I mean, I talk a little bit about race and interracial dating, but it's not the heart of my act. I just try to do what I think is funny; there's no huge message or through line.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I think things are funny when the character is taking it totally seriously.
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Everybody in the South loves the one closeted homosexual who's married. It's just too funny to not have in a movie about the South. It's an epidemic. You gotta represent!
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I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
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The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
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About 10 minutes [into the dinner] my sister texted me and said, "Maria, I just wanted to let you know that you're on TV live. You're front and center." I thought, 'Oh God, I'm right behind Donald Trump and in the camera shot. After that I stopped moving. I just sat there. It was funny. I was delighted that people noticed my white gloves. It was a white tie dinner, for the dais you had to be in white tie. If I can't channel my best Sophia Loren glamour for a white tie affair, when can I? I thought it was an excellent opportunity to wear the white gloves.
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We're no longer a newspaper in the morning, we're a 24/7 newspaper organization.
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Chemicals are really simple. You mix a couple things together and sell it for more than the materials cost.
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My first son was born in Los Angeles; he's a Mexican-American.
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No one today knows what is indecent.
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Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.
