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It can be tough as a jobbing actor.
Johnny Vegas -
I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
Johnny Vegas
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You don't want to be flattered and become big-headed by getting awards. But, well, I am.
Johnny Vegas -
There's a domino effect with certain things you say.
Johnny Vegas -
I sang 'American Pie' a lot in my stage set. It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It's a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune.
Johnny Vegas -
Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
Johnny Vegas -
Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.
Johnny Vegas -
You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
Johnny Vegas
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People are always asking, 'Where does Michael Pennington end and Johnny Vegas begin,' and you're going, 'It's not like that: it's blurred right across.'
Johnny Vegas -
I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
Johnny Vegas -
With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.
Johnny Vegas -
Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.
Johnny Vegas -
I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.
Johnny Vegas -
They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.
Johnny Vegas
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I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.
Johnny Vegas -
The idea of being on TV 24 hours a day and people seeing the real me... No.
Johnny Vegas -
I avoid any kind of organised trips as that's one of my bugbears.
Johnny Vegas -
For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.
Johnny Vegas -
The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.
Johnny Vegas -
Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!
Johnny Vegas
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I've always said that with kids' TV that people get stuck in it from drama school but that's not fair because I know myself that when you go in creatively, kids are so much more open to ideas. You're so much freer to mess about and try things.
Johnny Vegas -
There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out.
Johnny Vegas -
We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.
Johnny Vegas -
When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.
Johnny Vegas