Johnny Vegas Quotes
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My agent once said, 'You're not very driven.' And it's true. I'm not the type to ring up and go, 'Get me this part!'
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My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.
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It can be tough as a jobbing actor.
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I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.
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I sang 'American Pie' a lot in my stage set. It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It's a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune.
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I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
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With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.
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We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.
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Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
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There's a domino effect with certain things you say.
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Oh, I'm terrible at travel.
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I came from a very loving home, had a happy life with no great aspirations, but going to the seminary changed me. There was a chunk of my childhood missing. Once I'd realised it wasn't for me, I still felt a tremendous pressure to continue for fear of letting everybody down.
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I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.
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When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.
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They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.
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I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
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Class still matters in Britain today.
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I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.
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I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.
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I avoid any kind of organised trips as that's one of my bugbears.
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People are always asking, 'Where does Michael Pennington end and Johnny Vegas begin,' and you're going, 'It's not like that: it's blurred right across.'
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For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.
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You know, there's that temptation in interviews to make yourself sound - well, to give yourself a bit of mystery.
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Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.