Erma Bombeck Quotes
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.
Quotes to Explore
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I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.
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My CIA colleagues were smart, dedicated, funny, and creative. Yes, there was sometimes stifling bureaucracy, boredom, colleagues who never should have been there, and later, deeply disturbing stories of the CIA's involvement in torture. Still, I got to do work I thought was incredibly important and, many times, had fun doing it.
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I did accents and funny voices for the family when I was growing up.
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My voice is distinctive: there's a rhythm to it, and also, it's funny. I was just blessed with a funny-sounding voice.
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I am convinced that in the arts, committees are useless.
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I have an unfortunate personality.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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It's just funny that Americans have to contend with 2000 channels, and 60 different specific news sources, and the confusion that it creates, and the junk that we get to see is hilarious.
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If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.
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I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long as you have a good sense of humor about yourself. People who are concerned with their looks and what they're wearing and how they present themselves tend to have less of a sense of humor about themselves.
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There are a lot of funny people and a lot of unfunny people. Some of them are women and some of them are dudes.
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'Honky Tonk Badonkadonk' wasn't some serious song, but it was huge! It was funny.
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I tried to go to community college for a while, and it's a funny story. I walked into the English class on the first day, and they told us to write about what we did over the summer. I can't remember exactly, but I think I walked out exactly at that point and went to the office to ask for my money back.
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The people in my district don't call me 'congressman' - doesn't matter how old they are, they call me 'Jack.' They see me at the grocery store, at soccer games.
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Once it becomes impossible for members of Congress to make a career of legislative service, the temptation to bend a vote for whatever reason may yield to the better angels of their nature.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.
