Erma Bombeck Quotes
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.
Quotes to Explore
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I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.
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My CIA colleagues were smart, dedicated, funny, and creative. Yes, there was sometimes stifling bureaucracy, boredom, colleagues who never should have been there, and later, deeply disturbing stories of the CIA's involvement in torture. Still, I got to do work I thought was incredibly important and, many times, had fun doing it.
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My voice is distinctive: there's a rhythm to it, and also, it's funny. I was just blessed with a funny-sounding voice.
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I am convinced that in the arts, committees are useless.
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I have an unfortunate personality.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.
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I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long as you have a good sense of humor about yourself. People who are concerned with their looks and what they're wearing and how they present themselves tend to have less of a sense of humor about themselves.
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What's funny is my mom took me to the theater for the first time when I was six years old, and I was just amazed by it. I just said, 'Hey Mom, can I do this too?' And so she signed me up for little theater classes, and I remember my first audition for a play when I was seven years old was for 'The Thankful Elf.'
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A lot of funny stuff happens in Canada.
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I did. I did see Bigfoot when I was a kid and I still believe it to this day. I saw a big furry man outside my window. It's not funny! It was real.
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The idea that an actress - mostly lauded for her performances in more than a dozen films - somehow represents a threat to Iran's national security is laughable at best. But in Ahangarani's case, far from anything humorous, the allegations have actually resulted in the sober prospect of real prison time.
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I have spent my career building and improving secure, trustworthy systems, and I am very proud to be working on security at Yahoo.
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Grease and starch just always win over protein. In food as in so many things. Look around you, that's what our whole country is based on. It's amazing that Michael Jordan can be an iconic figure because he's basically just protein.
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Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.
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I have very, very strong obsessive-compulsive issues. I'm very particular.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.
