Paul Provenza Quotes

Children in a third world country. That's how we spread democracy.

Paul Provenza

• Children
• Democracy
• Third World

Some performers are brilliant comedians, some are genius musicians, and some just make you happy to be alive. THE BOBS are all of that - and then some.

Paul Provenza

• Happy
• Musicians
• Comedian

There is no democrats or republicans, right or left, red state or blue state. We are all one. And we are all unified against Mexicans.

Paul Provenza

• State
• Mexicans
• Unified

I know jazz is completely un-American. But the reason why America doesn't like it is because it's not funny. We americans have made jazz funny.

Paul Provenza

• America
• Funny
• Jazz

If I had the flag that Betsy Ross worked so hard on, I wouldn't destroy it. I'd put it up on EBay because it's gotta be worth some serious coin. And that is the American way.

Paul Provenza

• Destroy
• Worth
• Flag

How many impressionist painters painted the same damned thing? How many actors have played the same part in renditions of a play or dancers do the same dances.

Paul Provenza

• Actors
• Same
• Painters

As a comedian, I'm like one of those on-the-scene reporters. I will actually go and try to find disasters so I can write jokes as the disasters unfold.

Paul Provenza

• Comedian
• Reporter
• Disasters

I actually had to leave the country for infractions to fall off my record.

Paul Provenza

• Country
• Record
• Leave

I actually go to church. I know it's hard for you to believe. It's only because you know that Jesus on the cross? I love his smooth hairless body.

Paul Provenza

• Church
• Jesus
• Body

We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure!

Paul Provenza

• Choose
• Joke
• Structure