Evan Esar Quotes
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Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.
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The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.
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The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.
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You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.
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The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.
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The state of the Union largely depends on the state of the unions.
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A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.
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Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer.
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Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.
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Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
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With a braggart, it's no sooner done than said.
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Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.
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Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
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There is a lot of difference between the man who is not able and his brother who is notable.
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A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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Ego: The only thing that can keep growing without nourishment.
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Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
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A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
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A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him.
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Sometimes the unexpected happens when you don't expect a person to come up to expectations.
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
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There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
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The only thing more certain than the hatred of enemies is the envy of friends.