Evan Esar Quotes
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Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
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There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
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We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.
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The state of the Union largely depends on the state of the unions.
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Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.
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Adolescence begins when children stop asking questions-because they know all the answers.
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A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
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A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.
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The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.
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Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games.
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Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
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Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.
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With a braggart, it's no sooner done than said.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer.