Evan Esar Quotes
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The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.
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A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.
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Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
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Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.
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A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.
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Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
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Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.
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The difference between two men is usually a woman.
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The only thing more certain than the hatred of enemies is the envy of friends.
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Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.
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Conscience gets a lot of credit that really belongs to cowardice.
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In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.
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Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.
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America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
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There is a lot of difference between the man who is not able and his brother who is notable.
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The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.
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Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
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Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
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After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.
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Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.
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All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.
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Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.
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Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.