Evan Esar Quotes
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A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.
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The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.
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Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.
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The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.
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In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.
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Conscience gets a lot of credit that really belongs to cowardice.
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Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.
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Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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Congress would give the people what they wanted if the people knew what they wanted, and if Congress could give it to them.
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All men are born equal, but some of them outgrow it.
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America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
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There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
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The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.
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Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.
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Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.
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Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
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In Congress the majority governs, but the minority rules.
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The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.
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Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.
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After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond.
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Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
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There's nothing as short as short-term debt.