Evan Esar Quotes
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In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.
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Congress would give the people what they wanted if the people knew what they wanted, and if Congress could give it to them.
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A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.
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Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn't be done.
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Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.
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America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
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All men are born equal, but some of them outgrow it.
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Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
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Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.
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Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.
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Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.
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Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
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In Congress the majority governs, but the minority rules.
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After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.
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Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
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The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.
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A mathematician is a scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
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There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
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Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.
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Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond.
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A man doesn't have vacation problems: his boss tells him when to take them, and his wife tells him where.