Evan Esar Quotes
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A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.
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It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
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The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.
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Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.
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Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.
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Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.
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Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.
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Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
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Conscience gets a lot of credit that really belongs to cowardice.
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A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.
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Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
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Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
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The only thing more certain than the hatred of enemies is the envy of friends.
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In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.
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Adolescence begins when children stop asking questions-because they know all the answers.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond.
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Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.
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Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
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There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
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After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.
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Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.