Evan Esar Quotes
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Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
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A man doesn't have vacation problems: his boss tells him when to take them, and his wife tells him where.
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The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.
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Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.
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Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
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Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
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The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
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The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.
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Conscience gets a lot of credit that really belongs to cowardice.
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The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
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There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
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A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
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Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
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Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.
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All men are born equal, but some of them outgrow it.
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In Congress the majority governs, but the minority rules.
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The only thing more certain than the hatred of enemies is the envy of friends.
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Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
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Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.
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If you want to be successful, you must either have a chance or take one.