Evan Esar Quotes

United States, Writer
July 2, 1899 – 1995.

Evan Esar was an American humorist who wrote "Esar's Comic Dictionary" in 1943, "Humorous English" in 1961, and "20,000 Quips and Quotes" in 1968. He is known for quotes like "Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions." He also wrote The Legend of Joe Miller, which was privately printed for members of the Roxburghe Club of San Francisco by the Grabhorn Press in 1957.

Also known as Comedian

A man doesn't have vacation problems: his boss tells him when to take them, and his wife tells him where.

Evan Esar
- Wife
- Problems
- Vacation
A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond.

Evan Esar
- Girl
- Diamond
- Cares

Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.

Evan Esar
- Actor
- Stage
Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.

Evan Esar
- Thinking
- Wonder
The only thing more certain than the hatred of enemies is the envy of friends.

Evan Esar
- Friends
- Enemies
Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.

Evan Esar
- Children
- Childhood
- Grow
Do a little more every day than you are expected to do, and soon you will be expected to do more.

Evan Esar
- Expected
Age brings wisdom to some men, and to others chess.

Evan Esar
- Men
- Wisdom
- Chess

In elections, the undecided vote is usually the deciding factor.

Evan Esar
- Vote
- Elections
- Factor
All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.

Evan Esar
- Creator
- Urge
A bore finds it easy to start talking, and even easier to get others to stop listening.

Evan Esar
- Listening
- Talking
- Finds
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry -- and the world laughs harder.

Evan Esar
- Laugh
- Cry
Divorce is the price people play for playing with matches.

Evan Esar
- Divorce
- Price
- Matches
There's nothing as short as short-term debt.

Evan Esar
- Debt

If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal.

Evan Esar
- Different
- Want
- Act
An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.

Evan Esar
- Actor
- Praise