Evan Esar Quotes
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Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
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Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.
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Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
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Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.
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Statistics Fiction in its most uninteresting form.
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A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat.
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A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.
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Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games.
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Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
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Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
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Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.
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A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
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The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.
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A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.