Evan Esar Quotes
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The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.
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It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
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Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.
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Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
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Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.
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A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.
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Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.
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Statistics Fiction in its most uninteresting form.
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Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
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Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.
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The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.
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Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.
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Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.