Evan Esar Quotes
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Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.
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The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
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It takes far more courage to violate a custom than a law.
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The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.
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The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.
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Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.
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A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.
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A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.
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Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.
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A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.
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We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.
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There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
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Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
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The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.
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Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games.
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A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
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A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him.
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The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
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The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.
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Some couples divorce because of a misunderstanding; others, because they understand each other too well.
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Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.
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Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
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A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
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The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.