Evan Esar Quotes
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Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.
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It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.
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Statistics Fiction in its most uninteresting form.
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The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
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A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.
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Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.
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Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.
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Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
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Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
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The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.
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The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
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The chief ability of an executive should be his ability to recognize ability.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.