Evan Esar Quotes
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.
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There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
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With a braggart, it's no sooner done than said.
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Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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The diamond is the hardest stone -- to get.
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The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
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A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
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Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
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A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.
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Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer.
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A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.
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Sometimes the unexpected happens when you don't expect a person to come up to expectations.
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A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.
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Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.
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Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.
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The disadvantage of becoming wise is that you realize how foolish you've been.
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It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.