Evan Esar Quotes
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.
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Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.
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Statistics Fiction in its most uninteresting form.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
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There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
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The diamond is the hardest stone -- to get.
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Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.
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The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
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Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
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Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.
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Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games.
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The state of the Union largely depends on the state of the unions.
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The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.