Evan Esar Quotes
-
Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
-
It takes far more courage to violate a custom than a law.
-
You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.
-
The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired talking.
-
A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
-
Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
-
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
-
Some couples divorce because of a misunderstanding; others, because they understand each other too well.
-
The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
-
Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
-
Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.
-
A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.
-
Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
-
A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.
-
The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
-
The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.
-
A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
-
Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn't be done.
-
Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
-
A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
-
About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
-
Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
-
Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
-
Statistics Fiction in its most uninteresting form.