Evan Esar Quotes
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A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
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Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.
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Congress would give the people what they wanted if the people knew what they wanted, and if Congress could give it to them.
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The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired talking.
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A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.
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The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
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A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.
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The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
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The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
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The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
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The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.
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It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.
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Statistics Fiction in its most uninteresting form.
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A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
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Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
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Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
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It takes far more courage to violate a custom than a law.
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After wisdom comes wit.