Evan Esar Quotes
-
Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
-
The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
-
Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
-
An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
-
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
-
A woman is always ready to describe another woman as charming, but only if the other woman is not charming.
-
A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.
-
About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
-
You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.
-
The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
-
Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
-
Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
-
The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
-
Everything comes to him who waits -- if he waits till it comes.
-
The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
-
Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
-
If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
-
Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
-
A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.
-
A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
-
The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
-
It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.
-
Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
-
A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.