Evan Esar Quotes
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
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A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
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A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
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A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
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It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
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Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
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Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
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Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
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Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.
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With a braggart, it's no sooner done than said.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.