Evan Esar Quotes
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A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
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About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
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Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.
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The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.
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Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
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Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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Ego: The only thing that can keep growing without nourishment.
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him.
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.