Evan Esar Quotes
-
Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
-
Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
-
The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
-
There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
-
An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
-
There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
-
The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.
-
It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.
-
Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.
-
Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
-
Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
-
More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
-
A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
-
If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
-
With a braggart, it's no sooner done than said.
-
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
-
Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
-
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
-
A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.
-
An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
-
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
-
Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
-
Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
-
Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.