Evan Esar Quotes
-
Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
-
A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.
-
Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
-
A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
-
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
-
Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
-
It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.
-
There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
-
The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.
-
The survival of the fittest is going to make some man very lonesome some day.
-
It takes far more courage to violate a custom than a law.
-
A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.
-
Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
-
After wisdom comes wit.
-
Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
-
A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
-
Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
-
A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.
-
Some couples divorce because of a misunderstanding; others, because they understand each other too well.
-
Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.
-
The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired talking.
-
A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.
-
A woman is always ready to describe another woman as charming, but only if the other woman is not charming.
-
An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.