Evan Esar Quotes
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Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.
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The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
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A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.
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The secret of successful writing lies in striking the right keys on the typewriter.
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Divorce has become so easy nowadays that women have stopped crying at weddings.
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Everything comes to him who waits -- if he waits till it comes.
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You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.
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Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
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All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait.
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A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
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A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.
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Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
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All work and no pay makes a housewife.
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Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.
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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
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Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.
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Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
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Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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A woman is always ready to describe another woman as charming, but only if the other woman is not charming.
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Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
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A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
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A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.