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Worry makes people thin, except when they worry about being fat.
Evan Esar -
Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
Evan Esar
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
Evan Esar -
A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.
Evan Esar -
The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.
Evan Esar -
There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
Evan Esar -
The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.
Evan Esar -
The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
Evan Esar
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
Evan Esar -
About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
Evan Esar -
A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.
Evan Esar -
A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
Evan Esar -
Divorce has become so easy nowadays that women have stopped crying at weddings.
Evan Esar -
A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
Evan Esar
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
Evan Esar -
A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
Evan Esar -
Nowadays it's not who wears the pants in the family, but who carries the credit cards.
Evan Esar -
The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
Evan Esar -
Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
Evan Esar -
Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
Evan Esar
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Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
Evan Esar -
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
Evan Esar -
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
Evan Esar -
The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.
Evan Esar