Evan Esar Quotes
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A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.
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Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
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A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.
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Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
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A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
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A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.
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Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
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All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait.
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Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.
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Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
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All work and no pay makes a housewife.
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
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Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.
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A woman is always ready to describe another woman as charming, but only if the other woman is not charming.
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Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.
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A mathematician is a scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
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Everything comes to him who waits -- if he waits till it comes.
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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.
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Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
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Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
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A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
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You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.