Evan Esar Quotes
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The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.
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A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
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Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
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A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.
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Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
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The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.
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The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.
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You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.
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A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
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You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.
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All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
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Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
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Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
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A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.
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The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired talking.
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Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.
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The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.