Evan Esar Quotes
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The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.
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Nowadays it's not who wears the pants in the family, but who carries the credit cards.
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To a teenager, it cannot be true love if her family approves of him.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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A lazy man's wife is generally the power behind the drone.
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The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.
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Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
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The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.
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A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.
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The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
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Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
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A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
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The secret of successful writing lies in striking the right keys on the typewriter.
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With a braggart, it's no sooner done than said.
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The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired talking.
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Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
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Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
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You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.
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All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait.
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A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.
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There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
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A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.