Evan Esar Quotes
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Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
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Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
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A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.
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The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
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The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams.
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Las Vegas is a resort whose two chief sources of income are seven and eleven.
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A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.
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If you don't like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.
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Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.
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Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
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Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.
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A lecturer often makes you feel dumb at one end and numb at the other.
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Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.
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Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
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Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
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Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
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The man who avoids debt doesn't have to worry about avoiding his creditors.
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To a teenager, it cannot be true love if her family approves of him.
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
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You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.