Evan Esar Quotes
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All work and no pay makes a housewife.
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The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.
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Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
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Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
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Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.
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Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.
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The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
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A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
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If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
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The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
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About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.