Evan Esar Quotes
-
The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.
-
Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
-
Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
-
A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.
-
The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
-
An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
-
About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
-
Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.
-
The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
-
If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
-
The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
-
Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
-
Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
-
Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.
-
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
-
This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
-
Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
-
It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
-
Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
-
The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
-
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
-
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
-
The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
-
Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.