Evan Esar Quotes
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Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.
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The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.
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We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.
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The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
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The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
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The survival of the fittest is going to make some man very lonesome some day.
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Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.
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Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.
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The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
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A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.
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If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
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A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.
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The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
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It takes far more courage to violate a custom than a law.
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This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
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Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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The difference between two men is usually a woman.
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The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.
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Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer.
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Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.