Evan Esar Quotes
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A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.
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Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
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Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.
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A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
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Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
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Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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The survival of the fittest is going to make some man very lonesome some day.
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The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.
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Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.
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The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
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The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
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Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
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Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn't be done.
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.