Evan Esar Quotes
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A woman is always ready to describe another woman as charming, but only if the other woman is not charming.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
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The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.
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Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
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All work and no pay makes a housewife.
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Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
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The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
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Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
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Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.
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A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.
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The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
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You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.
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A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.
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Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.
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Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
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This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
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The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.