Evan Esar Quotes
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The disadvantage of becoming wise is that you realize how foolish you've been.
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About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
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A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.
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The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
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This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
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Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.
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The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
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Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.
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The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
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Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.
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Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.
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Statistics Fiction in its most uninteresting form.