Evan Esar Quotes
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Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.
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It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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After wisdom comes wit.
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The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
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Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.
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Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
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The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
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The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
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Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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The survival of the fittest is going to make some man very lonesome some day.
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The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
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More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
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Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.