Evan Esar Quotes
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Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
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The man who avoids debt doesn't have to worry about avoiding his creditors.
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Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.
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A dollar saved is a dollar earned but seldom vice versa.
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A lecturer often makes you feel dumb at one end and numb at the other.
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Hindsight is good, foresight is better; but second sight is best of all.
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Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
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Communism is a form of government under which every citizen at election time enjoys the privilege of voting Yes.
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Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.
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All work and no pay makes a housewife.
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A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.
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Consistency is a jewel, but too much jewelry is vulgar.
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A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.
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Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
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Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.
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A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
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Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
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Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
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A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
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Divorce has become so easy nowadays that women have stopped crying at weddings.
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Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.
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Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
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You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.
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A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.