Jack Roy Quotes
-
What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food.
-
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
-
I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
-
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
-
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
-
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
-
At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
-
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
-
I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.
-
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
-
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
-
My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.
-
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
-
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
-
My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
-
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
-
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
-
I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
-
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
-
I don't get no respect, no respect at all!
-
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
-
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
-
I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
-
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.