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I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.
Jack Roy -
I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!
Jack Roy
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark.
Jack Roy -
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
Jack Roy -
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Jack Roy -
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Jack Roy -
At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
Jack Roy -
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
Jack Roy
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Jack Roy -
If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Jack Roy -
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Jack Roy -
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Jack Roy -
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Jack Roy -
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Jack Roy
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Jack Roy -
When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
Jack Roy -
To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Jack Roy -
School is a place were you go to eat your lunch.
Jack Roy -
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.
Jack Roy -
I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.
Jack Roy
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
Jack Roy -
I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make them bigger. Then they meet a man and they want truth.
Jack Roy -
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
Jack Roy -
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Jack Roy