Jack Roy Quotes
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Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.
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I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
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My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.
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It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!
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When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
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I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.
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Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
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I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.