Jack Roy Quotes
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.