Jack Roy Quotes
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Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark.
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My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.
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I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.
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When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
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What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food.
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I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.