Jack Roy Quotes
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I don't get no respect, no respect at all!
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My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.
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I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.
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Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
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I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.
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My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
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My wife gives good headache.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.