Jack Roy Quotes
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I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
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It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
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My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.
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What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food.
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If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.
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We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.