Jack Roy Quotes
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I don't get no respect, no respect at all!
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After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I don't get no respect.
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Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.
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When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.
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With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.
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I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
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I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!