Jack Roy Quotes
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
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I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. So I changed the image to I don't get no respect. I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me. The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, Me, too - I don't get no respect. I figured, let's try it again.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
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I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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I don't get no respect.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.