Jack Roy Quotes
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I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. So I changed the image to I don't get no respect. I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me. The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, Me, too - I don't get no respect. I figured, let's try it again.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I don't get no respect.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.