Jack Roy Quotes
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
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A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.