Jack Roy Quotes
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.
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I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".