Jack Roy Quotes
-
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
-
She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
-
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.
-
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
-
I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".
-
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
-
You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
-
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'
-
My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
-
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
-
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
-
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
-
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
-
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
-
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
-
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
-
Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.
-
My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
-
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
-
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
-
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
-
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
-
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
-
I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. So I changed the image to I don't get no respect. I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me. The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, Me, too - I don't get no respect. I figured, let's try it again.