Dane Cook Quotes
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I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
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If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
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My mother had a lot of phobias. She's pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I was born into phobia, basically.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
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As a comedian, I am obligated to tell you the truth, my truth. To share with you my beliefs, my perspective. And I think that we forget sometimes that that's the oath that comics take, that we will go up and share everything - the irreverent, the scary.
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. They're very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.
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I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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'You told your mother I was gonna blow you up with a fucking pumpkin bomb? What did she say?' 'She. Was. Terrified. She wants me to move home.'
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The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
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I'm interested in doing everything and anything that I can to squeeze that creativity out of my brain. I guess I'm sort of a performance rat.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'