Ogden Nash Quotes
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I believe that people believe what they believe they believe.
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Camped on a tropic riverside,One day he missed his loving bride.She had, the guide informed him later,Been eaten by an alligator.Professor Twist could not but smile.'You mean,' he said, 'a crocodile.'
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Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.
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I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.
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The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.
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They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
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The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.
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I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
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When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
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I've earned repose to heal the ravagesOf these angelic-looking savages.Oh, progeny playing by itselfIs a lonely little elf,But progeny in roistering batchesWould drive St. francis from here to Natchez.
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Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
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Good wine needs no bush,And perhaps products that people really want need nohard-sell or soft-sell TV push.Why not?Look at pot.
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Naturally I am not pointing a finger at me,But I must admit that I find Mr. Ickes or any otherspeaker far more convincing when I agree withhim than when I disagree.
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O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,For I wish to be purged of an urge.It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.
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One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.
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Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.
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Some primal termite knocked on wood And tasted it, and found it good! And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today.
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Winter is the king of showmen, Turning tree stumps into snowmen And houses into birthday cakes And spreading sugar over lakes. Smooth and clean and frosty white, The world looks good enough to bite. That’s the season to be young, Catching snowflakes on your tongue. Snow is snowy when it’s snowing, I’m sorry it’s slushy when it’s going.
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I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.
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There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'
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I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew.
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Once in a night as black as pitchIsabel met a wicked old witch.the witch's face was cross and wrinkled,The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled.Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,I'll turn you into an ugly toad!
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Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.
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Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.