Ogden Nash Quotes
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Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.
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Leave the earth to the strong and athletic,And the sea to adventure upon.But the sun and the sandNo contractor can copy;We lie in the landOf the lotus and poppy;We vegetate, calm and aesthetic,On the beach, on the sand, in the sun.
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I believe that people believe what they believe they believe.
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Some primal termite knocked on wood And tasted it, and found it good! And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today.
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When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
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I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.
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O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,For I wish to be purged of an urge.It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.
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Whether elected or appointedHe considers himself the Lord's annointed,And indeed the ointment lingers on himSo thick you can't get your fingers on him.
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Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.
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I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.
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Naturally I am not pointing a finger at me,But I must admit that I find Mr. Ickes or any otherspeaker far more convincing when I agree withhim than when I disagree.
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The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.
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Once in a night as black as pitchIsabel met a wicked old witch.the witch's face was cross and wrinkled,The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled.Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,I'll turn you into an ugly toad!
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The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.
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Good wine needs no bush,And perhaps products that people really want need nohard-sell or soft-sell TV push.Why not?Look at pot.
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The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.
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And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
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Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.
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Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.
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I've earned repose to heal the ravagesOf these angelic-looking savages.Oh, progeny playing by itselfIs a lonely little elf,But progeny in roistering batchesWould drive St. francis from here to Natchez.
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Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
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Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.
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Other people, and it doesn't matter if they are Scandinavians or Celts,Think that anything is better than theirs just because it belongs to somebody else.
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An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.