Ogden Nash Quotes
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I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.
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Once in a night as black as pitchIsabel met a wicked old witch.the witch's face was cross and wrinkled,The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled.Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,I'll turn you into an ugly toad!
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Good wine needs no bush,And perhaps products that people really want need nohard-sell or soft-sell TV push.Why not?Look at pot.
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When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
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I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.
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I've earned repose to heal the ravagesOf these angelic-looking savages.Oh, progeny playing by itselfIs a lonely little elf,But progeny in roistering batchesWould drive St. francis from here to Natchez.
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Oh, than to enjoy a storm like thisThere's nothing I would rather, Don't dive between the blankets, Miss!Or else leave room for Father.
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O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,For I wish to be purged of an urge.It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.
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Other people, and it doesn't matter if they are Scandinavians or Celts,Think that anything is better than theirs just because it belongs to somebody else.
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I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder.
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The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.
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Whether elected or appointedHe considers himself the Lord's annointed,And indeed the ointment lingers on himSo thick you can't get your fingers on him.
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The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.
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A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.
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The turtle trapped 'twixt plated decks Doth practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
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Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
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Purity Is obscurity.
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And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
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Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.
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Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as legislature.... So people who go to bed to sleep Must count French premiers or sheep, And people who ought to arise from bed Yawn and go back to sleep instead.
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The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.
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An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
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They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
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Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.