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The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.
Ogden Nash -
O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,For I wish to be purged of an urge.It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.
Ogden Nash
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Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.
Ogden Nash -
Other people, and it doesn't matter if they are Scandinavians or Celts,Think that anything is better than theirs just because it belongs to somebody else.
Ogden Nash -
The turtle trapped 'twixt plated decks Doth practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
Ogden Nash -
Purity Is obscurity.
Ogden Nash -
I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder.
Ogden Nash -
Whether elected or appointedHe considers himself the Lord's annointed,And indeed the ointment lingers on himSo thick you can't get your fingers on him.
Ogden Nash
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Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.
Ogden Nash -
Naturally I am not pointing a finger at me,But I must admit that I find Mr. Ickes or any otherspeaker far more convincing when I agree withhim than when I disagree.
Ogden Nash -
I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.
Ogden Nash -
And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
Ogden Nash -
Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.
Ogden Nash -
Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.
Ogden Nash
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The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.
Ogden Nash -
There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'
Ogden Nash -
How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?
Ogden Nash -
Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.
Ogden Nash -
When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
Ogden Nash -
An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
Ogden Nash
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Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.
Ogden Nash -
Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
Ogden Nash -
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
Ogden Nash -
The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.
Ogden Nash