Ogden Nash Quotes
-
There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.
-
We love the kindly wind and hail,The jolly thunderbolt,We watch in glee the fairy trailOf ampere, watt, and volt.
-
Most bankers dwell in marble halls,Which they get to dwell in because they encourage deposits and discourage withdrawals,And particularly because they all observe one rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it,Which is you must never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.
-
Camped on a tropic riverside,One day he missed his loving bride.She had, the guide informed him later,Been eaten by an alligator.Professor Twist could not but smile.'You mean,' he said, 'a crocodile.'
-
There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.
-
The weather is so very mildThat some would call it warm.Good gracious, aren't we lucky, child?Here comes a thunderstorm.
-
So I think there is one rule every host and hostess ought to keep with the comb and nail file and bicarbonate and aromatic spirits on a handy shelf,Which is don't spoil the denouement by telling the guests everything is terrible, but let them have the thrill of finding it out for themselves.
-
Man is a victim of dopeIn the incurable form of hope.
-
Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.
-
To lave in the wave,Majestic and chilly,Tomorrow I crave;But today it is silly.It is pleasant to look at the ocean;Tomorrow, perhaps, I shall swim in it.
-
I think that comparisons are truly odious, I do not approve of this constant proud or envious to-do;And furthermore, dear friends, I think that you and yours are delightful and I also think that me and mine are delightful too.
-
Being a fatherIs quite a bother,But I like it, rather.
-
Whether elected or appointedHe considers himself the Lord's annointed,And indeed the ointment lingers on himSo thick you can't get your fingers on him.
-
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
-
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-
Oh, than to enjoy a storm like thisThere's nothing I would rather, Don't dive between the blankets, Miss!Or else leave room for Father.
-
A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.
-
Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.
-
Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder,Such as fating us to spend the first part of our livesbeing embarrassed by our parents and the last partbeing embarrassed by our childer.
-
Indoors or out, no one relaxesIn March, that month of wind and taxes,The wind will presently disappear,The taxes last us all the year.
-
How pleasant to sit on the beach,On the beach, on the sand, in the sun,With ocean galore within reach,And nothing at all to be done!.
-
Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
-
Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
-
Whales have calves, Cats have kittens Bears have Cubs, Bats have bittens, Swans have cygnets, Seals have puppies, But guppies just have little guppies.