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There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.
Ogden Nash -
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash
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Hark, hark! the larkOn windswept barkFreezes against a sky of lead!Now see him stop,Take one small hop,And suddenly keel over dead!
Ogden Nash -
The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you,How do, Isabel, now I'll eat you!Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry.Isabel didn't scream or scurry.
Ogden Nash -
The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but ifsome kind of sin you must be pursuing,Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing.
Ogden Nash -
A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her.
Ogden Nash -
To lave in the wave,Majestic and chilly,Tomorrow I crave;But today it is silly.It is pleasant to look at the ocean;Tomorrow, perhaps, I shall swim in it.
Ogden Nash -
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
Ogden Nash
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I hope of lightning our supply Will never be exhausted;You know it's lanterns in the skyFor angels who are losted.
Ogden Nash -
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy,You've had about seven hours' sleep since Friday,No wonder you feel that lost sensation;You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
Ogden Nash -
Listen, buds, it's March twenty first;Don't you know enough to burst?Come on, birds, unlock your throats!Come on, gardeners, shed your coats!
Ogden Nash -
It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts,That all sin is divided into two parts.One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important And it is what you are doing when you are doing something you oughtn't...
Ogden Nash -
Man is a victim of dopeIn the incurable form of hope.
Ogden Nash -
A fig for embryo Lohengrins!I'll open all his safety pins,I'll pepper his powder, and salt his bottle,And give him readings from Aristotle.Sand for his spinach I'll gladly bring,And Tabasco sauce for his teething ring.Then perhaps he'll struggle through fire and waterTo marry somebody else's daughter.
Ogden Nash
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There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.
Ogden Nash -
The weather is so very mildThat some would call it warm.Good gracious, aren't we lucky, child?Here comes a thunderstorm.
Ogden Nash -
When people reject a truth or an untruth it is not because it is a truth or an untruth that they reject it.No, if it isn't in accord with their beliefs in the first place they simply say, 'Nothing doing,' and refuse to inspect it.
Ogden Nash -
Any hound a porcupine nudgesCan't be blamed for harboring grudges.I know one hound that laughed all winterAt a porcupine that sat on a splinter.
Ogden Nash -
May I join you in the doghouse, Rover?I wish to retire till the party's over.
Ogden Nash -
Being a fatherIs quite a bother,But I like it, rather.
Ogden Nash
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It is my duty, gentlemen, to inform you that women are dictatorsall, and I recommend to you this moral:In real life it takes only one to make a quarrel.
Ogden Nash -
When smut's to be smitten Smoot will smite For G-d, for country, And Fahrenheit.
Ogden Nash -
We love the kindly wind and hail,The jolly thunderbolt,We watch in glee the fairy trailOf ampere, watt, and volt.
Ogden Nash -
Oh, Night will not see thirty again, Yet soft her wing, Miranda; Pick up your glass and tell me, then - How old is Spring, Miranda?
Ogden Nash