Ogden Nash Quotes
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There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees, And they certainly annoy each other, But they certainly enjoy each other, Yes, they pretend to flout each other, But they couldn't do without each other...
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Some primal termite knocked on wood And tasted it, and found it good! And that is why your Cousin May Fell through the parlor floor today.
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We love the kindly wind and hail,The jolly thunderbolt,We watch in glee the fairy trailOf ampere, watt, and volt.
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And I also say Pooh for sweetness and light, And if you want to get the most out of life, why the thing to do is to be a gossiper by day and gossipee by night.
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Indoors or out, no one relaxesIn March, that month of wind and taxes,The wind will presently disappear,The taxes last us all the year.
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I believe that people believe what they believe they believe.
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Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink,And the little gray mouse, she called him Blink,And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard,But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.
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I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.
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Camped on a tropic riverside,One day he missed his loving bride.She had, the guide informed him later,Been eaten by an alligator.Professor Twist could not but smile.'You mean,' he said, 'a crocodile.'
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Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
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How pleasant to sit on the beach,On the beach, on the sand, in the sun,With ocean galore within reach,And nothing at all to be done!.
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Leave the earth to the strong and athletic,And the sea to adventure upon.But the sun and the sandNo contractor can copy;We lie in the landOf the lotus and poppy;We vegetate, calm and aesthetic,On the beach, on the sand, in the sun.
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Senator Smoot is an institute Not to be bribed with pelf; He guards our homes from erotic tomes By reading them all himself.
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Once in a night as black as pitchIsabel met a wicked old witch.the witch's face was cross and wrinkled,The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled.Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,I'll turn you into an ugly toad!
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Time is timelessness for you; Calendars for the human; What's a year, or thirty, to Loveliness made woman?
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Most bankers dwell in marble halls,Which they get to dwell in because they encourage deposits and discourage withdrawals,And particularly because they all observe one rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it,Which is you must never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.
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Good wine needs no bush,And perhaps products that people really want need nohard-sell or soft-sell TV push.Why not?Look at pot.
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How easy for those who do not bulgeTo not overindulge!
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The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.
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It is an indication that my mental buttery is butterless and my mental larder lardless,And it consists not of 'Stop me if you've heard this one,' but of 'I know you've heard this one because I told it to you myself, but I'm going to tell it to you again regardless...'
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These are enlightened days in which you can get hot water and cold water out of the same spigot,And everybody has something about which they are proud to be broad-minded but they also have other things about which you would be wasting your breath if you tried to convince them that they were a bigot.
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I've earned repose to heal the ravagesOf these angelic-looking savages.Oh, progeny playing by itselfIs a lonely little elf,But progeny in roistering batchesWould drive St. francis from here to Natchez.
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Oh, than to enjoy a storm like thisThere's nothing I would rather, Don't dive between the blankets, Miss!Or else leave room for Father.
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The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.