Ogden Nash Quotes
-
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
-
Once in a night as black as pitchIsabel met a wicked old witch.the witch's face was cross and wrinkled,The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled.Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,I'll turn you into an ugly toad!
-
And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
-
An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
-
The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.
-
Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!
-
Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.
-
Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as legislature.... So people who go to bed to sleep Must count French premiers or sheep, And people who ought to arise from bed Yawn and go back to sleep instead.
-
A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
-
Other people, and it doesn't matter if they are Scandinavians or Celts,Think that anything is better than theirs just because it belongs to somebody else.
-
O money, money, money. I'm not necessarily one of those who think thee holy, but I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.
-
The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.
-
Purity Is obscurity.
-
Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I'm in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.
-
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.
-
The camel has a single hump, The dromedary, two; Or else the other way around; I'm never sure. Are you?
-
No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
-
A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.
-
I test my bath before I sit, And I'm always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit Is so frigid upon the fundament.
-
There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin.
-
A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books - Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage.
-
So Columbus said, somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it, And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it, And the fetters gave him welts, And they named America after somebody else.
-
The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take, If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake.
-
But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them,