William S. Burroughs Quotes

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'

William S. Burroughs

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• Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.

  

  Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
  • Educated
  • Witty
  • Proverbs

• What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny.

  

  Natasha Leggero
  • People
  • Up
  • World

• Wit is the appearance, the external flash of imagination. Thus its divinity, and the witty character of mysticism.

  

  Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
  • Character
  • Imagination
  • Witty

• What is extraordinary about the character of Edna - and I speak as though I am completely outside this character and I am talking to you - I'm, as it were, in the wings, and she's on stage, and every now and then she says something extremely funny, and I stand there and think: 'I wish I'd thought of that.'

  

  Barry Humphries
  • Character
  • Funny
  • Stage

• People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

  

  Isaac Asimov
  • People
  • Great
  • Funny

• What's funny in 'The Mayor of MacDougal Street' is how Dave Van Ronk talks a lot about the time and how exciting it was and how electric it was.

  

  Oscar Isaac
  • Time
  • Funny
  • Street

• People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not!

  

  Wanda Sykes
  • People
  • Funny
  • Comedian

• My voice is distinctive: there's a rhythm to it, and also, it's funny. I was just blessed with a funny-sounding voice.

  

  Wanda Sykes
  • Funny
  • Voice
  • Blessed

• I have an unfortunate personality.

  

  Orson Welles
  • Funny
  • Personality

• Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

  

  Abraham Lincoln
  • Funny
  • See
  • Others

• The less lines, the better. I am the silent film actor, but not in a slapstick sort of way. Film is an image-based medium, so whatever you can say without the words is far more provocative and punctuating. If the lines are not funny or if they don't advance the story, sometimes it's hard. I hate talk in movies.

  

  Callum Keith Rennie
  • Words
  • Funny
  • Hate

• Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.

  

  P. J. O'Rourke
  • Funny
  • Situation
  • Saying

• It's funny, because I've never thought of myself as a Hispanic actor, like in 'American Gangster,' I'm playing an Italian. I've always been fortunate enough to have been allowed to play all these diverse roles.

  

  Yul Vazquez
  • American
  • Funny
  • Myself

• Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious.

  

  Caitlin Hale
  • Black
  • Funny
  • Day

• The funny thing is that I'm the girl who no one sees at the beach. Ask anyone who's traveled with me. Normally, I'm in so many layers, I look like Lawrence of Arabia!

  

  Vera Wang
  • Girl
  • Funny
  • Beach

• You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty.

  

  Sacha Guitry
  • You
  • Serious
  • Witty

• If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  

  Jack Benny
  • Mind
  • Funny
  • Matter

• I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor.

  

  Rachael Ray
  • Great
  • She
  • Girl

• Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.

  

  O. Henry
  • Up
  • Home
  • Funny

• I remember watching Margaret Cho with my grandmother on TV. She was my hero, not only because she was funny, but because she showed me that it's okay to be yourself, that it's okay to be a brash yellow girl and to be a strong and brave woman.

  

  Nora Lum
  • She
  • Remember
  • Girl

• The funny thing is, when you look at photos of Tuvia Bielski, he was fair, blue-eyed, and could pass for a Gentile.

  

  Edward Zwick
  • Funny
  • Blue

• I saw this sign posted once, it said, "Blasting Zone Ahead." Wow. Shouldn't that read: "Road Closed?" What do you mean there's a blasting zone? What am I supposed to do? "Hey-uh, you might wanna buckle up. Blasting zone coming up. Yeah. Just saw the sign. Put the helmets on back there! Yeah I think we're- (Pow!)- Oh! We're getting close! (Pow!)- Oh! This is gonna be a bad blasting zone! Remember that last one-we lost Billy?"

  

  Brian Regan
  • Remember
  • Funny
  • Comedy

• There are no prizes for average performance.

  

  Brian Tracy
  • Average
  • Performances
  • Prize

• After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'

  

  William S. Burroughs
  • Funny
  • Hilarious
  • Witty