Andy Borowitz Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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There was just a lot of comedy on the TV in the house, and my parents are both very funny.
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I was an expert horseman.
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Somebody gets to be smart and somebody gets to be dumb. If we win, it'll be because of the president. And if we lose, it'll be because of me.
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I got in a really bad accident in a Toyota vehicle, but I feel like the safety of the vehicle and God really saved my life.
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I need one psychological expert to help me concentrate.
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I put my thoughts in a book, which must mean I don't want anyone to read them.
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I think Teach for America has suffered from the fact that I did not teach, in a major way. I also think if I had taught, I wouldn't have started Teach for America.
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I think I owe it to myself to put my best effort forward and prove how good I can be.
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It used to be that you needed a $500-million-a-year company in order to reach a worldwide audience of consumers. Now, all you need is a Steam account. That changes a whole bunch of stuff. It's kind of a boring 'gee, information processing changes a stuff' story, but it's going to have an impact on every single company.
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Music was always part of my life - my mother says I came out singing. I wanted to be Gene Kelly - or Judy Garland.
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The moral is that a career can be gone in an instant. And all you have in this world are the people you love.
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Our focused customers are small business and young people. We did a great job in China. How can we help those young people in India, in Pakistan, in Africa. If they can use in the same ways.
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America is a country that prides itself on being able to identify a 'straight shooter' or 'the genuine article' when it comes to our leaders. As a nation, we can 'feel it in our gut' when someone is giving us a bum steer.
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An allegory is not meant to be taken literally. There is a great lack of comprehension on the part of some readers.
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I remember in 'Pride and Prejudice' I had to do a scene where I broke down. And before we filmed I spent like three hours imagining my mum's funeral. Actually, she's very much alive, happy and healthy. It was really horrible.
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I like to travel by myself.
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In international relations, in foreign policy, a great deal has to do with historical circumstances, a great deal has to do with the sense and perception of people.
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I have 60 years of reading to draw upon: naval memoirs, dispatches, the Naval Chronicles, family letters.
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But the exposure we got by doing the stint with Nine Inch Nails brought us a lot of attention.
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The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia.
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Every orchid or rose or lizard or snake is the work of a dedicated and skilled breeder. There are thousands of people, amateurs and professionals, who devote their lives to this business. Now imagine what will happen when the tools of genetic engineering become accessible to these people.
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The establishment can't change. It can't give people anything different; it can't make the turn.
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There's times when I'm cleaning the kitchen, and while I'm doing that, I'm singing and air guitaring with a broom to 'You Should Be Dancing.'
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
