Andy Borowitz Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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There was just a lot of comedy on the TV in the house, and my parents are both very funny.
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I was an expert horseman.
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Somebody gets to be smart and somebody gets to be dumb. If we win, it'll be because of the president. And if we lose, it'll be because of me.
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I got in a really bad accident in a Toyota vehicle, but I feel like the safety of the vehicle and God really saved my life.
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I need one psychological expert to help me concentrate.
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I put my thoughts in a book, which must mean I don't want anyone to read them.
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I think Teach for America has suffered from the fact that I did not teach, in a major way. I also think if I had taught, I wouldn't have started Teach for America.
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I think I owe it to myself to put my best effort forward and prove how good I can be.
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Music was always part of my life - my mother says I came out singing. I wanted to be Gene Kelly - or Judy Garland.
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The moral is that a career can be gone in an instant. And all you have in this world are the people you love.
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Our focused customers are small business and young people. We did a great job in China. How can we help those young people in India, in Pakistan, in Africa. If they can use in the same ways.
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An allegory is not meant to be taken literally. There is a great lack of comprehension on the part of some readers.
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I remember in 'Pride and Prejudice' I had to do a scene where I broke down. And before we filmed I spent like three hours imagining my mum's funeral. Actually, she's very much alive, happy and healthy. It was really horrible.
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I like to travel by myself.
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In international relations, in foreign policy, a great deal has to do with historical circumstances, a great deal has to do with the sense and perception of people.
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But the exposure we got by doing the stint with Nine Inch Nails brought us a lot of attention.
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I have been given the authority over you, and I am not the best of you. If I do well, help me; and if I do wrong, set me right. Sincere regard for truth.
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The core character of Victorians is one of aspiration and ambition, and Victorians have, since first settlement days... demonstrated that core character over and over again.
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Most of the people that I went to school with - I went to secondary school - we were educated to go and work in the line at Ford's, and if we were lucky, technical skilled labor. I sort of rejected that, and thought I wanted to do something else.
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Because cheating is easier when we can justify our behavior, people often cheat in small amounts: We can come up with an excuse for stealing Post-It notes, but it is much more difficult to come up with an excuse for taking $10,000 from petty cash.
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If I were dropped out of a plane into the ocean and told the nearest land was a thousand miles away, I'd still swim. And I'd despise the one who gave up.
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I'm never home. I miss birthdays. I miss holidays. I miss anniversaries. I miss special moments. I'm not always there for important times, because I'm out on the road trying to make people laugh. I give up my privacy. I give up the ability to walk somewhere and relax.
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I never like things that don't look nice. It's really that simple.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
