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When I was a boy, I used to wake up thinking that the world was ending. I'd get up and look in the mirror and my eyes were sad.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The thing about tears is that they can be as quiet as a cloud floating across a desert sky. The other thing about tears is that they kind of my made my heart hurt.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The only class that I was having a hard time with was my art elective. I couldn’t draw worth a damn. I was pretty good at trees. I sucked at drawing faces. But in art class, all you had to do was try. I was getting an A for work. But not for talent. The story of my life.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Sometimes parents loved their sons so much that they made a romance out of their lives. They thought our youth could help us overcome everything. Maybe moms and dads forgot about this one small fact: being on the verge of seventeen could be harsh and painful and confusing. Being on the verge of seventeen could really suck.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I bet you could sometimes find all the mysteries of the universe in someone's hand.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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What if hummingbirds lost their wings? We had twenty-four hours to come back with an answer, and it took her precisely ten hours and seven minutes to text me back: Then it would rain for days and the world would know the rage of the grieving sky.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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So they made tamales and Ileana mostly made a mess, but she laughed all day and she was so happy and beautiful and Andrés thought that whatever her heart was made of, it burned, and it was the only light in the house that mattered.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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As far as I was concerned, the sun could have melted the blue right off the sky. Then the sky could be as miserable as I was.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I’ll tell you a secret. I’m not responsible for whether my students care or don’t care. That care has to come from them—not me.” “Where does that leave you?” “No matter what, Ari, my job is to care.” “Even when they don’t?” “Even when they don’t.” “No matter what?” “No matter what.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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God, tired, all he wanted to do was sleep, be in bed, dreaming of palo verdes in bloom, the yellow blossoms bursting in the blue sky like firecrackers. He wanted to dream soft hands rubbing his skin. He pictured himself melting beneath those hands, like butter or ice cream or anything else that wasn’t human.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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He looked at the stubborn woman standing in front of him, her hair uncombed and wild, her eyes red with tears, her face wounded. In that moment, he thought, she was as beautiful as she had ever been.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Gina and Susie were cool, though. No hint of the beer they said they were going to score. They played good girls to my parents. Not that they weren't good girls. That's exactly what they were: good girls who wanted to pretend they were bad girls but who never would be bad girls because they were too decent.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Do you think we’ll ever discover all the secrets of the universe?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I also knew I had inherited the name of the world's most famous philosopher. I hated that. Everyone expected something from me. Something I just couldn't give. So I renamed myself Ari. If I switched the letter, my name was Air. I thought it might be a great thing to be the air. I could be something and nothing at the same time. I could be necessary and also invisible. Everyone would need me and no one would be able to see me.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And understood that rage could be quiet. Could be soft. Rage didn’t have to be a killer.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And what constituted a cure? What was healing for a damaged human being? Who needed help and who didn’t? And anyway, was there really a cure for the truly hurt? People could be totaled, just like cars.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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One of books is about the genocide in Rwanda and the other book is about a little boy who gets raped. Who needs monsters?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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His smile was breaking my heart.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Everyone was becoming someone else. Sometimes, when you were older, you became someone younger. And me, I felt old.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And then I don't know why, but I felt sad. And then I started thinking about my brother. Every time I felt sad, I thought about him. Maybe deep down a part of me was always thinking about him. Sometimes, I caught myself spelling out his name. B-E-R-N-A-R-D-O. What was my brain doing, spelling out his name without my permission?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I wondered if my smile was as big as hers. Maybe as big. But not as beautiful.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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She could almost see his smile. A sunrise. Breaking the darkness.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Water was something he loved, something he respected. He understood its beauty and its dangers. He talked about swimming as if it were a way of life.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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How strange to have a body. Sometimes it felt that way. Strange.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
