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The problem is not that I don't love my mother and father. The problem is that I don't know how to love them.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I could have asked my father lots of questions. I could have. But there was something in his face and eyes and in his crooked smile that prevented me from asking. I guess I didn’t believe he wanted me to know who he was. So I just collected clues. Watching my father read that book was another clue in my collection. Some day all the clues would come together. And I would solve the mystery of my father.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The thing about artists is that they tell stories. I mean, some paintings are like novels.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And understood that rage could be quiet. Could be soft. Rage didn’t have to be a killer.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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So I was the son of a man who had Vietnam living inside him. Yeah I had all kinds of reasons for feeling sorry for myself. Being fifteen didn't help. Sometimes I thought that being fifteen was the worst tragedy of all.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Talking doesn't help everybody. "Not that you'd know." Yeah. Not that I'd know.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I think I was trying to make my life uncomplicated because everything inside of me was so confusing.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Maybe dogs were one of the secrets of the universe.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I stared at the reproduced mural in the book--but I was more interested in his finger as he tapped the book with approval. That finger had pulled a trigger in a war. That finger had touched my mother in tender ways I did not fully comprehend. I wanted to talk, to say something, to ask questions. But I couldn't. All the words were stuck in my throat. So I just nodded.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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How strange to have a body. Sometimes it felt that way. Strange.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The thing about tears is that they can be as quiet as a cloud floating across a desert sky. The other thing about tears is that they kind of my made my heart hurt.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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It was like letting go of the sky.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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For an instant she seemed to be nothing more than light.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Mima was like the tree. In this desert where I’d grown up, Mima had shaded me from the sun. She was a tree. How would I live without that tree?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And then I don't know why, but I felt sad. And then I started thinking about my brother. Every time I felt sad, I thought about him. Maybe deep down a part of me was always thinking about him. Sometimes, I caught myself spelling out his name. B-E-R-N-A-R-D-O. What was my brain doing, spelling out his name without my permission?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Show me a man without regrets and I’ll show you a man without a conscience.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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It all happened in an instant, like a flash of lightning, only the lightning wasn’t coming from the sky, it was coming from somewhere inside of me.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I’m not into all this academic stuff. Too much analysis. What ever happened to reading a book because you liked it?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I ask her if she loves me and I always feel bad when I ask her that because it makes me sound so desperate. I ask and ask and ask.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And it seemed as if the pounding rain would tear off the roof of their house. For an instant, Andrés felt as if there would never again be any light in their house. It would always be dark. And then he thought that no matter how much they’d tried to change this house into something else, it would always be that house they found the first day they moved in. A house with no light. A house with no one in it. A house that smelled of a hundred years of waste and war. A heartless, heartless house.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Change is overrated.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Were you afraid Dad wouldn’t come back? I didn’t think about it. I made myself not think about it. I’m good at that.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Water was something he loved, something he respected. He understood its beauty and its dangers. He talked about swimming as if it were a way of life.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The hurt means you loved someone. That you really loved someone.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
