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Change is overrated.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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We laughed again. We couldn’t stop. I wondered what it was we were laughing about. Was it just our names? Were we laughing because we were relieved? Were we happy? Laughter was another one of life’s mysteries.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Adam says I isolate. He is addicted to telling me that I spend too much time in my head. It’s an unhealthy behavior. Look, I don’t see how not bothering other people with your screwed-up vision of the world constitutes unhealthy behavior.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Ari, it’s time you stopped running.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I wondered what it was like to feel whole, to not feel torn up or stunned out or wigged out or any of those things. I wondered what it was like to walk around the world looking up at the sky instead of searching the ground, eye to eye with things that crawled.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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It was like letting go of the sky.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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For an instant she seemed to be nothing more than light.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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So I was the son of a man who had Vietnam living inside him. Yeah I had all kinds of reasons for feeling sorry for myself. Being fifteen didn't help. Sometimes I thought that being fifteen was the worst tragedy of all.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Smiles are like that. They come and go.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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So they made tamales and Ileana mostly made a mess, but she laughed all day and she was so happy and beautiful and Andrés thought that whatever her heart was made of, it burned, and it was the only light in the house that mattered.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I think I was trying to make my life uncomplicated because everything inside of me was so confusing.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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That’s what his mother had told him, that Mexico tasted of maíz and the hands of the women who’d made tortillas for a thousand years.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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One of books is about the genocide in Rwanda and the other book is about a little boy who gets raped. Who needs monsters?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I could have asked my father lots of questions. I could have. But there was something in his face and eyes and in his crooked smile that prevented me from asking. I guess I didn’t believe he wanted me to know who he was. So I just collected clues. Watching my father read that book was another clue in my collection. Some day all the clues would come together. And I would solve the mystery of my father.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And he raised his arm like he was going to slap her. But he stopped himself. Yolie looked at him, and Andrés swore her eyes were knives and she was cutting him up like he was a piece of paper. And right then, at that moment, he loved Yolie, loved her with all his heart.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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A heart so pure it was nothing but storm.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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I bet you could sometimes find all the mysteries of the universe in someone's hand.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Like an animal. As if people weren’t animals. She tried to put a face on him. His eyes would betray the chaos of his heart, the riots that were exploding everywhere inside him. His eyes would be so black that they would shine blue in the sun.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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There was something about the sound of a man in pain that resembled the sound of a wounded animal.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And it seemed as if the pounding rain would tear off the roof of their house. For an instant, Andrés felt as if there would never again be any light in their house. It would always be dark. And then he thought that no matter how much they’d tried to change this house into something else, it would always be that house they found the first day they moved in. A house with no light. A house with no one in it. A house that smelled of a hundred years of waste and war. A heartless, heartless house.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The hurt means you loved someone. That you really loved someone.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The truth is, Ari, I miss El Paso. When we first moved there, I hated it. But now I think about El Paso all the time. And I think of you. Always, Dante P.S.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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But why? Why don’t I want to fight when fight is all I’ve ever known and loved? I’ve fought for every inch of joy I’ve ever known.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Mima was like the tree. In this desert where I’d grown up, Mima had shaded me from the sun. She was a tree. How would I live without that tree?
Benjamin Alire Saenz
