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There was so little difference between a fist that was trying to hold everything in and the fist that was ready to release all its frustration and rage.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I have this storm inside me. It's trying to kill me. I wonder sometimes if that's such a bad thing. I know about storms. I'm tired. I just want to sleep forever. Maybe I should tell the storm to go ahead and kill me.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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Why does it hurt when you love someone? What is it with the human heart? What was it with my heart? I wondered if there was a way to keep her in this world forever.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
It was a small idea. But at least the idea was mine.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I’d rather have a cup of coffee and a cigarette than live in all that honesty.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
Do you think, Ari, that love has anything to do with the secrets of the universe? I don’t know. Maybe.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
But why? Why don’t I want to fight when fight is all I’ve ever known and loved? I’ve fought for every inch of joy I’ve ever known.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
..and I thought it was nice that they knew how to talk and how to laugh and how to be in the world.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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The hurt means you loved someone. That you really loved someone.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
My dad says it’s all right if people make fun of you. You know what he said to me? He said, ‘Dante, you’re an intellectual. That’s who you are. Don’t be ashamed of that.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I wanted us to laugh forever.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I think I’m the stupidest smart boy who ever lived.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I didn't know what to do with that piece of information. So I just kept it inside. That's what I did with everything. Kept it inside.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
There I was. Sitting in my car. In the rain. Talking to Alejandra. And it felt more like home than the place where I slept.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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And why was it that some guys had tears in them and some had no tears at all? Different boys lived by different rules.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I think writing books is a way for me to work out certain issues. I write about what matters to me, always.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
So if I don’t write as many letters as you do, don’t be upset. I’m not doing it to upset you, okay? This is my problem. I want other people to tell me how they feel. But I’m not so sure I want to return the favor.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
When I see him today, I will show him my ugly heart. I’m not fucking sorry.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
She had all this love in her eyes, and I swear I could drown in that love.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
And understood that rage could be quiet. Could be soft. Rage didn’t have to be a killer.
Benjamin Alire Saenz
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It's always been interesting to me how we mistake good genes for virtue.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
I could have asked my father lots of questions. I could have. But there was something in his face and eyes and in his crooked smile that prevented me from asking. I guess I didn’t believe he wanted me to know who he was. So I just collected clues. Watching my father read that book was another clue in my collection. Some day all the clues would come together. And I would solve the mystery of my father.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
Dante and I were the last two boys in America who grew up without television.
Benjamin Alire Saenz -
The summer sun was not meant for boys like me. Boys like me belonged to the rain.
Benjamin Alire Saenz