P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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To really enjoy drugs you've got to want to get out of where you are. But there are some wheres that are harder to get out of than others. This is the drug-taking problem for adults. Teenage weltschmerz is easy to escape. But what drug will get a grown-up out of, for instance, debt?
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Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.
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I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting.
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There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
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The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.
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Political discourse has become so rotten that it's no longer possible to tell the stench of one presidential candidate from the stink of another.
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I'm really tired of virtue.
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Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those in a Brooks Brothers suit, would be stone-washed denim. Celebrity diet and exercise books would be the only thing on the shelves at the library. And - since women are a majority of the population - we'd all be married to Mel Gibson.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
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People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement.
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A pleasant natural environment is a good- a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever, we want it. If we want something, we should pay for it, with our labor or our cash. We shouldn't beg it, steal it, sit around wishing for it, or euchre the government into taking it by force.
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A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person.
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Advocating the expansion of the powers of the state is treason to mankind, goddamnit!
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Traffic was like a bad dog. It wasn't important to look both ways when crossing the street; it was important to not show fear.
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A 'farm' today means 100,000 chickens in a space the size of a Motel 6 shower stall.
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America is not doctrinaire. It's hard for an American politician to come up with an ideological position that is permanently unforgivable.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-shirt.
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By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire.
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Even newlyweds don't spend much time together, now that few marriages outlast the appliance warranties.
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If Christ came back tomorrow, He'd have to change planes in Frankfurt. Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.
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I read good. I was an English major.
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Liberals have a quaint and touching faith that truth is on their side and an even quainter faith that journalists are on the side of truth.
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There are 1.3 billion people in China, and they all want a Buick.