P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.
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The observers had a logbook recording the assaults, bombings, and artillery attacks on the area. Each page was ruled in vertical columns: DATE, TIME, LOCATION, DAMAGE, CASUALTIES. The columns headed ACTION TAKEN BY THE UN were completely empty.
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To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.
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Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first.
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Catchphrases flourish in contemporary American English.
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Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of progress.
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A 'farm' today means 100,000 chickens in a space the size of a Motel 6 shower stall.
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America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
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The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.
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Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those in a Brooks Brothers suit, would be stone-washed denim. Celebrity diet and exercise books would be the only thing on the shelves at the library. And - since women are a majority of the population - we'd all be married to Mel Gibson.
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Traffic was like a bad dog. It wasn't important to look both ways when crossing the street; it was important to not show fear.
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By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire.
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Even newlyweds don't spend much time together, now that few marriages outlast the appliance warranties.
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Political discourse has become so rotten that it's no longer possible to tell the stench of one presidential candidate from the stink of another.
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My dad died when I was young; my mom remarried with more haste than sense to a fellow... he wasn't evil or anything, but he was worthless.
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The great thing about starting golf in your forties is that you can start golf in your forties. You can start other things in your forties but generally your wife makes you stop them, as Bill Clinton found out.
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Never fight an inanimate object.
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The collegiate idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it.
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Space has always been confusing to politics.
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These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.
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You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity. And forget traditional character assassination; if you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
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If Christ came back tomorrow, He'd have to change planes in Frankfurt. Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.
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I'm really tired of virtue.
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Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.