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Even the bad things are better than they used to be. Bad music, for instance, has gotten much briefer. Wagner's Ring Cycle takes four days to perform while 'Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm' by the Crash Test Dummies lasts little more than three minutes.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Freedom is for fun.
P. J. O'Rourke
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And, by the way, how come all the people who were so in favor of unilateral nuclear disarmament are so opposed to unilateral protection against nukes?
P. J. O'Rourke -
On Friday, June 12, 1992, 110 heads of state gathered at Riocentro. They were indistinguishable in dress and deportment. Where was biodiversity when we needed it?
P. J. O'Rourke -
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones.
P. J. O'Rourke -
I had a confused early hippie phase, which was like a cafeteria tray of sloppy, semi-Marxist thoughts, absorbed second-hand.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free.
P. J. O'Rourke
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What would be a road hazard anywhere else, in the Third World is probably the road.
P. J. O'Rourke -
It's hard to come back from the Balkans and not sound like a Pete Seeger song.
P. J. O'Rourke -
There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Cleaning, like seduction, should be done from the top down - starting with the ceiling, which is ridiculous. Gravity takes care of that.
P. J. O'Rourke -
There's only one secret to bachelor cooking - not caring how it tastes.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Our earliest evidence of government, in the ruins of Babylon and Egypt, shows nothing but ziggurats and pyramids of wasted taxpayer money, the TARP funds and shovel-ready stimulus programs of their day.
P. J. O'Rourke
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You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Government conspiracy? They can't even deliver our mail and it's got our address on it and everything!
P. J. O'Rourke -
Humans have trouble with economics, as you may have noticed, and not just because economic circumstances sometimes cause them to starve. Humans seem to have an innate inability to pay attention to economic principles.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware.
P. J. O'Rourke -
If Christ came back tomorrow, He'd have to change planes in Frankfurt. Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.
P. J. O'Rourke -
A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The typical old-fashioned diet was so bad it almost resembled modern dieting.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Are we disheartened by the breakup of the family? Nobody who ever met my family is.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners'.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.
P. J. O'Rourke