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Even newlyweds don't spend much time together, now that few marriages outlast the appliance warranties.
P. J. O'Rourke -
A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.
P. J. O'Rourke -
When a government controls both the economic power of individuals and the coercive power of the state ... This violates a fundamental rule of happy living: Never let the people with all the money and the people with all the guns be the same people.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some.
P. J. O'Rourke -
A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Saigon is like all the other great modern cities of the world. It's the mess left from people getting rich.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.
P. J. O'Rourke
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You read [Bill ] Maher's book, and he didn't take Econ 101. All his arguments about gasoline, it's not that they're right or wrong - they're just not informed.
P. J. O'Rourke -
There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.
P. J. O'Rourke -
When Adam Smith was being incomprehensible, he didn't have the luxury of brief, snappy technical terms as a shorthand for incoherence.
P. J. O'Rourke -
All religious believers should be licensed to make sure that they are competent to hold opinions and viewpoints and that they don't believe in just any old thing, such as creationism or a flat tax.
P. J. O'Rourke -
We tried to find the mayor. His secretary said he was at home. His wife said he was at the office. In Italy or France this would mean His Honor was having an affair. In Chabarovice it probably meant he'd run off to be a busboy in Stuttgart.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Are we disheartened by the breakup of the family? Nobody who ever met my family is.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit. A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty- their power and privilege- to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by ... politicians.
P. J. O'Rourke -
China is trying to become America without democracy while America is trying to become France without cheese calories.
P. J. O'Rourke -
People with a mission to save the earth want the earth to seem worse than it is so their mission will look more important.
P. J. O'Rourke -
I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I was never in the office [of Rolling Stone]. It was very different from Lampoon, where we spent a lot of time together socially, which is to say "drunk."
P. J. O'Rourke -
Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid.
P. J. O'Rourke -
It takes a lot of weapons to do good works (as Richard the Lionhearted could have told us). And this is not just a Somali problem. We have poverty and deprivation in our own country. Try standing unarmed on a street corner in Compton handing out twenty-dollar bills and see how long you last.
P. J. O'Rourke