P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.
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A deadly sins addendum is long overdue. Life has changed since Pope Gregory the Great scribbled his initial list in the sixth century.
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When Adam Smith was being incomprehensible, he didn't have the luxury of brief, snappy technical terms as a shorthand for incoherence.
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The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.
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A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it.
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Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is.
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A child growing up in an excessively safe environment may never learn that he is one - not until he gets married and has a wife to tell him so.
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It's hard to come back from the Balkans and not sound like a Pete Seeger song.
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If Christ came back tomorrow, He'd have to change planes in Frankfurt. Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.
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Cleaning, like seduction, should be done from the top down - starting with the ceiling, which is ridiculous. Gravity takes care of that.
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In thirteen years, every aspect of the universe can change - ask a thirteen-year-old.
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On Friday, June 12, 1992, 110 heads of state gathered at Riocentro. They were indistinguishable in dress and deportment. Where was biodiversity when we needed it?
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The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid.
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The Institute of U.S. and Canadian Studies is supposed to have subscribed to the Village Voice for six years in an attempt to find out about life in America's rural areas.
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The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some.
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Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.
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Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer. We can just step off the sidewalk. And sometimes we can get impressionable members of the opposite sex to perform sacramental rites with us. 'Every drop of water wasted is a drop less of a wild and scenic river, Jennifer. We'd better double up in the shower.'
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Political discourse has become so rotten that it's no longer possible to tell the stench of one presidential candidate from the stink of another.
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China is trying to become America without democracy while America is trying to become France without cheese calories.
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Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the CIA of something.
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Even newlyweds don't spend much time together, now that few marriages outlast the appliance warranties.
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One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.
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In fact, safety has no place anywhere. Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow (an appalling animal to watch at the trotters.) And everything that isn't fun is dangerous too. It is impossible to be alive and safe.
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Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.