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The best and brightest don't go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Any person who has spent time outdoors actually doing something, such as hunting and fishing as opposed to standing there with a doobie in his mouth, knows nature is not intrinsically healthy.
P. J. O'Rourke -
I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius.
P. J. O'Rourke -
To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.
P. J. O'Rourke -
America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being 'hegemonistic', of engaging in 'unilateralism', of behaving as if we're the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Idealism is based on big ideas. And, as anybody who has ever been asked 'What's the big idea?' knows, most big ideas are bad ones.
P. J. O'Rourke -
A fundamental American question is, 'What's the big idea?'
P. J. O'Rourke
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Jewishness cropped up and has never successfully been put down since.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Of course, the humans in Haiti have hope. They hope to leave.
P. J. O'Rourke -
A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty - their power and privilege - to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by ... politicians
P. J. O'Rourke -
Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of progress.
P. J. O'Rourke -
My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.
P. J. O'Rourke -
I'm a registered Republican and consider socialism a violation of the American principle that you shouldn't stick your nose in other people's business except to make a buck.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Biotechnology is a worry. What if they take genetic material from wet noodles and blowfish and splice it into politician chromosomes and create a Clinton administration?
P. J. O'Rourke -
Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory.
P. J. O'Rourke -
These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Weird clothing is de rigeur for teenagers, but today's generation of teens is finding it difficult to be sufficiently weird. This is because the previous generation of teens, who went through adolescence in the sixties and seventies, used up practically all the available weirdness.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer. We can just step off the sidewalk. And sometimes we can get impressionable members of the opposite sex to perform sacramental rites with us. 'Every drop of water wasted is a drop less of a wild and scenic river, Jennifer. We'd better double up in the shower.'
P. J. O'Rourke -
There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.
P. J. O'Rourke